Made In Chelsea: Mark Francis, My Favourite Waste of Time

It's housekeeping, heartbreak and scrotums ahoy in this week's episode and frankly I can't think of anything I'd rather do on a Monday night.
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It's housekeeping, heartbreak and scrotums ahoy in this week's episode and frankly I can't think of anything I'd rather do on a Monday night.

Made In Chelsea star Mark Francis

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Chelsea Chelsea, how much do I love you?! Lots. Too much. Enough to try to socially engineer my very own lunch with Nancy Mitford character come to life, Mark Francis. Enough to overcome my Topshop misogynistic tee and tax evasion issues to enjoy the sheer sweetness of Chloe “daughter of Philip” Green. And apparently enough to review it after four glasses of Malbec and a big bowl of Yaki Soba.Thanks to Wagamama I’m drunk and I have heartburn which is the best way to be when reviewing a TV show so vacuous that it makes the average QVC presenter look like Melvyn Bragg. Let’s go.

This episode starts at the Valmont club. As it’s named after one of the main characters in Les Liasions Dangereuse I’m expecting shagging and intrigue.

Spencer has had a “revolution” - he thinks he might mean a “revelation” and then changes this to “a think”. With the sort of mental process that would wake Baudelaire from the grave and have him suggest the philosophical equivalent of a dance off he reveals his “thoughts” have led him to a pool party with some “fresh talent” - because they’re bored of the “birds” they usually hang out with. I say bored - I mean rebuffed by . Francis - jeweller, entrepreneur, would be womaniser and bellend offers to DJ. Anyone who has had the misfortune to see him skateboard in recent episodes will wince, guessing his set will probably include “Heaven is a Half Pipe” and the complete Electric Six back catalogue. Francis then starts, for no apparent reason, listing his skills - “you know, I grew up in Florida, I used to surf...I’m also quite interested in topiary”. I’m baffled. Francis explains to Spencer and Hugo that this means ‘shaping bushes’ - the boys have a bit of a giggle and I wheeze hysterically for a good three minutes. You see, “bush” can also mean a lady’s...ah, well, never mind.

Are you a fan of Daisy's Made In Chelsea reviews? To read more, you need to buy the Wickedly Unofficial Guide To Made In Chelsea eBook. The book is a hilarious and detailed guide to the entire series. For more information go here

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