Last night's Question Time battle was a straight fight between new leader of the Scottish Conservatives Ruth Davidson (Scottish), Humza Yousaf of the Scottish National Party (unsurprisingly Scottish), leader of the Scottish Liberal Democrats Willie Rennie, (also Scottish)... Yes, Dimbleby and the team had walked 500 miles, and then potentially 500 more, and planted the QT flag at Saint Andrews in bonnie Scotland. Other panellists were English Labour MP Frank Field, and the apparently English Janet Street Porter. Although, to be honest, she could be speaking in literally any language. First up the challengers were asked how best to tackle long-term unemployment in Scotland, with the Budget looming next week. Davidson immediately played for the crowd's affections by vastly over-estimating Scotland's economic worth, stating she was fighting to get, “tuppence-worth for Scotland,” proving once again that you just cannot trust politicians. Yousaf countered with the suggestion that there were literally hundreds of, “shovel-ready ideas,” that central government was holding back on, although you can't help but feel that digging an enormous trench following the line of Hadrian's Wall and filling it with alligators and mines was only a short-term fix. His promise that he understands how the youth 'feel' about mass unemployment was backed-up by his use of hair gel, but alas destroyed by his assertion that 26 was still young. You're past it, Gramps, go suck a Werther's. One man who is undoubtedly older than 26 is Frank Field, who performed as if his re-animated corpse hadn't quite been given enough juice. His idea of an NI holiday for companies creating new jobs sounded great, but sadly these days the best bars are in Dublin., not Belfast.
JSP was looking as ravishing last night as she did in both Sex and the City films, but didn't let that stop her exploding in a fit of rage about wind farms.
The debate moved on to the question of independence. Yousaf jumped straight in there, shouting about haggis, kilts and bagpipes, dropping these buzzwords like little gumdrops for the crowd to follow and eventually combust into rapturous applause. Rennie joined the feeding frenzy, describing the, “outward-looking, neighbourhood-friendliness,” of the Scots to further delight the crowd. He has clearly never seen Glasgow on a Saturday night. Field just described how, “incredibly depressed,” he was, leading Dimbleby to take pity on him and move the discourse onto wind energy. Enter Janet Street Porter. JSP was looking as ravishing last night as she did in both Sex and the City films, but didn't let that stop her exploding in a fit of rage about wind farms. The question centred around American tycoon Donald Trump refusing to build a hotel in Scotland for fear of turbines blowing it away, or something to that effect. In an ironic twist of fate, Street Porter described the farms as unattractive, noisy and inefficient. Hmmm. Yousaf defended the energy source, reiterating the SNP's claim that Scotland should be run on 100% green energy. Perhaps one reason why Trump affectionately calls the party's leader 'Mad Alex', although there are obviously plenty more where that came from. Apparently 25% of Europe's green energy now comes from Scotland, surely as part of some Dr Evil-style scheme to use the turbines as propellers to literally separate the country from the rest of the UK. Now that really would be mad. Davidson took the debate on a strange tangent when asked, rather innocuously, whether she was, “with Mr. Trump.” The Scottish Tory leader took the chance to categorically state she had, “never been with Donald,” a denial that can't help but make you wonder whether the lady doth protest too much. Dimbleby swiftly moved away from all that nonsense, and onto something the overwhelmingly Scottish crowd would genuinely care about. “The relationship with alcohol is unhealthy,” Rennie said, perhaps referring to the man he had replaced on the show at short-notice, Charles Kennedy. Yes, Kennedy was supposed to be on the panel last night, but had to withdraw because he had missed his flight. Or found the key to his hotel room's mini-bar. Either way. His replacement protested that he was referring to the UK, and that he was in favour of a minimum price for alcohol. The whole panel agreed, JSP saying that the drinks lobby held too much of a sway over the House of Commons. Perhaps she was referring to the case of Eric Joyce MP, who in February attacked four politicians while drunk in the Commons Bar and told police, "You can't touch me, I'm an MP!" Field went on to complain about a, “lack of urgency.” Sadly, no one was listening. His response came with the show already over, the set dismantled and the production team all in the bar, celebrating another political battle well-fought. Still. Onwards and upwards! Oh... Grimsby next week. Hmmm. 5 of the Best Question Time tweets from last night (With reference to Field's suggestion that young people were unwilling to work for less than £300 per week) @DIMBLEBOT: REMINDER: 'STREET PORTER' MAKES MORE THAN £300 PER WEEK DESPITE BEING ABLE TO READ OR WRITE. @BarnabyEdwards: Can't wait for Ruth Davidson to squirt David Dimbleby with water from that comedy lapel flower. @mjrobbins: The leader of the Scottish Conservatives. That's like leading a one man conga line ffs. @Jtwentyman: Husband fell asleep 15 minutes into #bbcqt. Just woke up, mumbled, 'is it still all scottish?', and fell asleep again Other stories you might likeQuestion Time: Impossible To Enjoy Without Twitter Click here to read more articles about TV and Film in Sabotage Times Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook