The Best 'Bad Films' Ever

Have you ever seen a film that was just so bad, it just made criticism completely redundant? Ever sat in the cinema and witnessed something so glaringly awful, it was secretly enjoyable? Look no further chums, for here are five are the worst, and by extension the best, films ever to grace the silver screen.
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Have you ever seen a film that was just so bad, it just made criticism completely redundant? Ever sat in the cinema and witnessed something so glaringly awful, it was secretly enjoyable? Look no further chums, for here are five are the worst, and by extension the best, films ever to grace the silver screen.

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Have you ever seen a film that was just so bad, it just made criticism completely redundant? Ever sat in the cinema and witnessed something so glaringly awful, it was secretly enjoyable? Look no further chums, for here are five are the worst, and by extension the best, films ever to grace the silver screen.

Birdemic

Today I bought an egg and cress sandwich, which not only cost more than this films special effects budget, but contained twice the acting ability. You'll have seen school plays and porn stars more worthy of an oscar nod than the cast of “Visionary Writer/Director” James Nguyen's debut offering. When a swarm of killer birds, represented by breathtaking special effects, attacks a small town, two young lovers are caught in the cross fire. Young lover number 1 is Rod, who sells some kind of software for a living, he whoops and woo-hoos for about 80% of his dialogue and essentially instills as much emotion and confidence in you as condom filled with ham. Young lover number 2 is Natalie and she's a model, or something, it's not made totally clear. Her role in the film is what's referred to in the business as 'not-important-enough-to-talk-much-but-let's-definitely-sneak-an-underwear-scene-in-somewhere' There's a really deep message in all this about conservation or something but it's hard to remember anything other than the scene where a few unsuspecting victims are forced to fight their way out of hotel using only their wits and a few coat hangers.

Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus

Quite possibly the ultimate 'Ronseal' film, in that it does exactly as the title suggests. The shark is mega, the octopus is giant, you couldn't possibly ask for more. Which is handy because you certainly wouldn't get it. The two behemoths are found frozen in ice in the arctic only for the sheer smoking good looks of lead star Deborah Gibson to thaw them out. Needless to say, havoc ensues, and it's up to our intrepid team of scientists, shady military types and a bizarre conservationist/submarine captain to find a way to stop them. What's their plan you ask? Well at the risk of giving too much away, the clue is in the “vs” part of the title. Which was a genius idea that's only arrived at after two of the cast get their proverbial freaks on in a store room. Worth watching just to see a shark take out an aeroplane in mid-flight or most of the cast fail to stretch the paper-thin plot over its 90 minutes. Both of which are painful and brilliant in equal measure. Look out for the forthcoming sequel Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus, no really.

In this age of huge budget movie adaptations taking parts of your childhood to silly, silly places *coughTRANSFORMERScough* it's worth remembering why sticking religiously to the spirit of the subject matter isn't always such a good idea. Street Fighter, the video game, was a two-dimensional beat-em-up filled with cheesy lines and basic animations, so I suppose we should applaud the film makers for managing to have those characteristics in spades. Featuring an all star cast of Van Damme, Damian Chapa, Kylie Mingoue (seriously) and Grand L. Bush (seriously seriously) the film tirelessly pisses into the wind trying to give a plausable reason for why any of what you're witnessing is actually happening. Having seen the film twice now know that it has something to do with drug-smuggling, arms-struggling and god-smuggling. Gun to my head though, I wouldn't say you'd find the VHS tucked away in Blockbusters 'smuggling' section. Do they do a Puns, Guns and Buns section? Check there.

Plan 9 From Outer Space

It's hard to express just how genius/awful this film is without getting into the background of it's director Edward Wood. In truth, he's probably a lot more interesting than any of his films, which after starting out as low-budget sci-fi surrealism, descended into even lower budget soft-core porn. But back when he was a young, idealistic film-maker he cobbled together the shrapnel from down his sofa and set out to make 'Plan 9', a story of alien invasions, a doomsday weapon and the dead walking the earth, only not in that order. Johnny Depp did a brilliant film about him so go and watch that first for a better explanation. In fact, the plot of said film revolves around the production of Plan 9 so I guess there's not much I can say on that either. I don't know why I bother really. Oh wait, if you take the letter D out of his name you get Ewar Woo! See, that's hilarious, I feel useful again.

The Room

I'll be blunt with you - this films only appeal, it's only redeeming feature, it's only possible excuse to ever be viewed by anybody, is how excruciatingly cringeworthy it is from start to finish. It is so badly put together, so badly written, shot, directed and acted that every orifice on your body physically attempts to close up to stop it getting in. It is, without exaggeration, the cinematic equivalent of being eaten alive, from the inside out, by a creature with no gums, over a whole month. No other film can boast such a visceral reaction with its audience and for that reason alone, it must be seen, by everyone. And what would they be witnessing you ask? Well the plot, if that's what you'd call it, revolves around some sort of love triangle between Johnny, his 'best-friend' Mark and his 'future-wife' Lisa. The character of Claudette, in a staggering display of seamless continuity, mentions early on that she has breast cancer... nope, that's it, mentioned once and never even touched on again. Mental.