Am I the only one in LS11 who secretly hopes we don't win promotion? What...! Are you mad..... are you a card carrying, certified, 'Bates saved his three times' lunatic? We've spent 12 long, painful, desperate years in this grim, disgusting wilderness, and now when we are, for the first time in a long time (at the time of writing anyway) looking like we may finally be mounting a serious, sustained promotion push, you say that?
Don't tar and feather me yet..... just hear me out. Here are my five reasons why I hope we don't go up;
We won't be able to compete
For those of us of a certain age, we expect the Mighty Whites to seriously compete at the top end of the (top division) table. Yes it was a very long time ago now since we did so, but it's hard-wired into our DNA. Leeds United are a top team - not in the 'last sleeping giant' media twaddle we have been patronisingly fed since the turn of the millennium, but in a real and proper sense. We've been to London, Liverpool and Manchester EXPECTING to win - and have done so regularly. We didn't go 'to enjoy the day out and hope we put in a performance' as we've had to endure with all the cup draws over the years. If we go up there is not a cat-in-hells chance that we'll get anywhere near the top six. The last time we went up, it was a different era. The gap between League One and Two wasn't the filthy lucre filled chasm that it is today. I for one, don't want to be up there if we can't TRULY compete at the top end of the table.
Reduced away tickets
The huge away day trips of 6000+ at the likes of PNE, Blackburn, MK Dons et al will all be a thing of the past. The ruling for the allocation of away tickets in the Premier League is as follows: "3,000 tickets or, if the capacity of the home club's stadium is less than 30,000, such number of tickets as is equal to 10 per cent." Basically we'll get 3,000 or less every week. Obviously lots of our younger fans will want to go to the raft of big grounds we haven't visited in their (supporting) lifetime. Add in lots of 'where were you when we were sh*t' types who last went when Notts County's caretaker manager was still a young 'un. And then factor in an inevitably higher number of ST holders than now who will have an option to buy away tickets. 3,000? To put that in perspective, 5300 for Barnsley has just sold out in less than an hour. Remember the recent bun-fight for Villa tickets? We got around 2,500 there. That will be the situation every other week now. In fact, we could even see EVERY league game being a loyalty game FFS. Doesn't sound much fun does it?
Let's reach the magical 40 points mark
What is the f***ing point of being in a competition when your sole aim is to not get kicked out of it? It drives me to tears hearing one spineless manager after another trot out this drivel of a sentence. Where did ambition, drive, determination, dreams etc disappear to? What is the point of any challenge if you are not going to aim for the summit? Take a look at no-mark sides like Watford, Bournemouth, Burnley and even 'proper' clubs like Sunderland, WBA and Stoke. All they want to do is survive. Do you want the famous Leeds United to turn into that, because that's what we could quite easily do.
Not being on TV as much
Whilst it p**ses us off with the changed dates, sh**ty start times and messed up travel arrangements it IS great to see us on TV all the time. Yes we moan about it but it greatly helps those who can't make it to matches and, let's be honest, it makes us really proud. Due to a variety of commitments this season I've missed a few games but have managed to watch both the Fleetwood cup win and the QPR debacle in Spain, as well as one of the Villa games in a bar in Lincoln and the other one on a iPad in Sri Lanka! I'm sure there are many more in the same boat as me who welcome our excessive TV exposure. However, if we go up, we'll no longer be the gogglebox magnet we currently are. You see, we currently get picked because we are the Championship's biggest draw (get over it, Geordies) but once we are in the 'promised land' our drawing power, and I say this begrudgingly, is dwarfed by the legions of Singapore Reds, Malaysian Blues and Asian Cockneys who Sky target for their bloated product. Yes we'll still get live games but there will be considerably less. Do Sky want/need to show our mid-table clash live and exclusive from St Marys? Plus we'll probably only be in the 'round up' package at the end of MOTD too rather than being the main game on C5.
Mercenary non-descript foreigners who don't care
For every Pontus Jansen there are a hundred Cyril Chapuis. For every Ngolo Kante there are a hundred Marco Boogers. The stinking cesspit of excessive moolah that is the Premiership attracts each and every half decent (and sometimes not even that good) money grabbing leech of a footballer. Their slimy, Machiavellian agents will pimp their mercenaries to us and a dozen other teams, signing where the spondoolichs is the biggest. Will players like that 'get' Leeds like Pontus, Kyle and co? Will they even try to comprehend our heritage? Will 'side before self' even register as they collect their hefty wad every month? And it's not just Johnny Foreigner that will come, play averagely and leave, destroying all that we've built. Ian Harte recently alluded to big salaries and even bigger egos from incoming players creating problems with David's 'Babies'. Twitter detectives pointed the finger at an English player being the alleged culprit. Big time Charlies next year? No thanks; only the Taylor variety for me please.
Five reasons not enough for you? How about (even) higher ticket prices? Getting beaten every week? A relegation struggle? Traffic jams in and out of ER? Glory hunting 'I was at Valencia you know (but not been since then)' w**kers?
I was at Goodison in 1990. It still ranks in my top ten games. "UNITED ARE BACK" was deafening. I still get a tingle down the spine thinking about it..... a tingle the likes of only Beckford (twice), Matteo, Chapman, Ormsby, Flynn and Clarke can generate. To not experience that mix of pride, fear, hope, joy ever again for our beloved Whites would be unimaginable. Awww f**k it..... "Nah Nah Nah Nah Nah, LEEDS ARE GOING UP, GOING UP, LEEDS ARE GOING UUUUP..."
The first appeared on The Square Ball