Arsenal End Of Term Report: Sign M'Vila And Hoilett And Learn From Last Summer's Mistakes

It's been another 'transition' season for the Arsenal, but the compete with the big boys Wenger just needs to sign M'Vila and Hoilett and make sure the mistakes of last summer and not repeated again.
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Be careful guys, you might break old Pat

The ‘I f*cking love this game’ highlight of the season?

It has to be the home game against Spurs. Going 2-0 down against your most hated rivals to come back and score five goals and win 5-2 was just dream-like. What makes it all the better is that the game helped to screw up their season and us to push on and take third. The way the forward line combined that day was beautiful, and Theo Walcott even looked like Thierry Henry re-incarnated with two well taken goals. This one will stick in the memory forever, along with our chants at the away 'fans' who left when they realised their team was taking a kicking and just wouldn't be getting up. Brilliant.

The season ticket shredding moment?

Old Trafford. I had almost forgotten about that. With the highs of smashing Spurs I guess we can't ignore the ultimate low of that United drubbing. Everyone knew we were going to lose the match before kick-off, even Wenger and especially Fergie. The team we put out was relegation standard, but the way Rooney & co. carved us up was an embarrassment. The whole country was laughing at us for weeks. Granted, no one in their right mind would shred an Arsenal season ticket considering how much you could flog it for, but I'm sure that day a lot of programmes were binned. Yeah, that's how we Gooners get angry.

Moment that just about summed it all up?

We've had so many 'moments' this season it's hard to pick one, but the two Champions League legs against Milan encapsulated what this Arsenal team are all about. We have it in the locker to go abroad and get turned over 4-0, not offering a threat up front and defending worse than a pub team. But we also have the potential to dominate that very same team two weeks later and score three in a rampaging first half that had the Emirates rocking. The second half of the second leg was a tepid anti-climax and in the end it was brave failure, but the two legs highlighted everything that is right, and wrong about the current Arsenal squad.

Got the right manager?

100%. It depressed me to have to listen to other fans slagging off Arsene when we were falling apart in the early months of the season. As a 21-year-old, Arsene is all I've ever really known on the touchline, and early memories of the Professor and the Double in '98 have bought him so much respect. Then the Invicibles proved what a genius he was. Perhaps fans really are too used to caviar that they now can't stand cheddar, and although we have gone seven years without a trophy he'll always be the right man for the job in my eyes.

Player of the season?

RVP. Not much competition was there? But seriously he has been the consistent shining light during a campaign that has been tough-to-watch at times. Big shout for Mikel Arteta, who really secures the team when he plays in the 'Pivote' role, but this year has been all about the Dutchman.

What would you change next term if you were the gaffer?

Spend early, and sign established players. That's a generic response I know, but they way Arsene stood by and watched Cesc and that lesbian looking Na$ri leave without preparing for their replacements was our undoing in August and September. Wenger looks to be heeding his mistakes though, with Podoloski signed and M'Vila apparently close. Let's just hope he doesn't have to deal with RVP wanting to leave. Then we might the depressed Arsene back. And no one wants that, he has such a horrible frown.

Which player would you like to sign?

Well assuming Podolski and M'Vila sign, (which is probably a mistake knowing Arsenal and rumours) I would love us to nip up to Blackburn and grab Junior Hoilett on a free transfer. He's proven in the Premier League, and more cost-efficient that someone like Eden Hazard. That guy is such a promiscuous flirt he's not even worth the hassle. It's better this way.

Best goal?

Well RVP has scored them all so one of his. And there's been many nice ones to choose from, but the volley against Liverpool was sublime. Song has formed a telepathic relationship with him this season, and in stoppage time he chipped the ball into the box for RVP to volley home the winner. The scenes in my living room were outrageous. Great goals against Everton, Norwich, and Chelsea shouldn't be forgotten. Ah, he's so good, he's bound to leave us. *sobs*

Biggest t*sser?

We don't really have any bad guys at Arsenal, just guys that don't wanna play and are happy to pick up big wages for nothing. Maybe that makes them bad guys, but none seem evil. Anyway for me it's gotta be Nasri. Such a nasty piece of work, no one was happy to see him pick up the title with City. Class-less person.

Best away pub?

Not really a pub but there's a nice cafe just near St. James' Park in Newcastle. I forget what it's called. Oh, I haven't done a good job here. Moving on...

Best pie?

At the Emirates we're a more sophisticated bunch that primitive pie eaters. One of the best things about pre-match at the Arsenal is a trip to the Korean Steak shop just outside the club shop before you cross the bridge to the stadium. £3.50 for a massive baguette, it's wonderful stuff and a big favourite for my brother, old man and myself before home encounters.

Best chant?

The City game was the best in terms of atmosphere this season, we really had the place rocking. Doing 'the Poznan' when Arteta scored late on was great fun, although looking back, our chants of "Where's your title gone?" feel a bit foolish. I suppose all season our go-to chant has been, "Robin Van Persie, he scores when he wants" so I'll plump for that.

Player’s tweet of the season?

Has to be Andre Santos' gay tweet, that was really funny.

Best laugh you had all season?

Having the last laugh over Spurs was not just comical considering the 13-point lead they threw away, but all the chat Gooners endured from Yids about a power shift in North London blah, blah, blah. Much like their manager Harry Redknapp it was all talk.

Or maybe Wenger's exhausted embrace of Pat Rice against WBA. Just showed how much the Frenchman loves his Patrice. All the best in your retirement, Mr Rice.

Handbags End of Season Show is on Sunday 20th May 5pm

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