Arsenal: If We Are To Progress, Boring Arteta Must Go
What’s going right?
Well, we are marginally better than last year. Our defence has tightened up against teams who aren’t very good at attacking, but is still rubbish against the ones who are. Ozil, despite a lull, is a genius and Rosicky has given a timely reminder of what an important player he is to have around this year. Also we’ve crushed the stats. Per Mertesacker has won the passing and Giroud has won the headed duels, which, if current trends are to go by, means we’re the best team in the world?
Abou Diaby still made of balsa wood, which admittedly is stifling his potential as the greatest midfielder of all time. It is getting a tad annoying that all our players get injured around Spring. Might be time to look at how we’re managing these players on the training ground.
Got the right manager?
Uh, yes? I’m so bored of considering this question. I think he’s becoming less stubborn, and we have definitely made improvements this year, but we’re still the 4th best team in England…so, it’s hard to measure our progress.
I don’t care what anyone says, I love Olivier Giroud. Kosc and Per have been incredible, Aaron Ramsey even more so, but Giroud needs the love more. He works damn hard, he’s brave, he doesn’t let his head drop if things aren’t going his way and he’s got 20-odd goals for us, which is a good return. His biggest failing is that he’s had to play every single bloody game, and so is probably knackered. Get a couple more strikers in the summer and we’ll see the best from him. Maybe we’ll even play two up top.
Who would you like to sell in the summer?
Mikel Arteta. Boring, boring Mikel Arteta. Let’s teach Giroud to take penalties and send Arteta to Aston Villa or Newcastle or something. When I think of the brilliant central midfielders we’ve had – Vieira, Petit, Gilberto Silva, Fabregas, and then see Mikel Arteta passing sideways and doing nothing else, it pains me. He is the footballing equivalent of a mid-level accountant who doesn’t even have enough nous to suggest ways you can evade tax.
Who do you want to sign?
Cesc Fabregas. If there’s any chance he’s leaving Barca, he needs to be welcomed with open arms so Mikel Arteta can be put to stud. Wrap the captain’s armband around his forearm and get him teaching Jack Wilshere how to be less of a bellend. He’s exactly who we need.
Best chant so far?
Giroud to Hey Jude is good, I guess?
Best opposition player/team you’ve seen?
Hard to ignore Liverpool’s caning of us at Anfield. Near impossible to play against in that opening 20 minutes. A sharp reminder of just how far we are away from being genuine title contenders right now.
Biggest wanker of the season?
Andre Villas Boas, for having the temerity to suggest that Tottenham Hotspur are anything but a mid-table club. Everything that’s wrong with the modern game is embodied in how AVB keeps getting jobs, despite all evidence suggesting he’s not very good at managing.
Funniest Moment of the season?
Tim Sherwood saluting Adebayor, by fucking miles. What a whopper.
Next season's prediction?
4th again, but we’ll smash the passing stats.