Arsenal Transfer Deadline Day: As It Happened - Kallstrom Or Bust
It's that time again. Clock-watching, refreshing a million half-baked news stories and #ITK Twitter profiles.
Ignore all that - here's @rlewisafc with your complete guide to Arsenal's transfer deadline day, right up until it SLAMS SHUT (as windows are wont to do).
23:00 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? That's it? One player. One player.
17:00 - One of the highlights of Deadline Day. That's how s*** it's been.
16:54 - Brace yourselves, Gooners. Wenger actually tried to get Salomon Kalou.
16:45 - I'm currently singing along to "I Need A Girl" by Usher & P Diddy in the Sabotage Times office. Desperate times.
16:45 - Avram Grant's just said this: "I think, it would be good for football, if Arsenal won the League this season. They play football the right way." I agree.
16:35 - Just bumped into Abou Diaby...he's now out for another 3 months
16: 20 - EXCLUSIVE: Why Arsenal's negotiations with Julian Draxler fell through...
16:10 - ARSENAL FANS REACT TO NEWS THAT KALLSTROM WILL BE ONLY SIGNING
16:06 - Oh dear.
16:00 - Brilliant. Kallstrom with Zlatan. Before their balls dropped.
15:45: If the Klose deal doesn't pull through, this could well have been a missed opportunity. What do you think?
15:40: Swedish expert on Kallstrom:
15:35 - So this seems all but done.
15:30 - Not the news any Arsenal fan is interested in right now, but a development nonetheless. Talented winger could well join Olympiacos permanently now.
15:20 - Not sure whether to laugh or cry.
15:05 - Chill guys. He's got this.
15:00 - Pretty much sums it up.
14:55 - Tough crowd.
14:50 - Poor Frimpong. Even though he hardly ever played, I'm sure he wooed many classy women by saying he was an Arsenal player. After his loan move to Barnsley today, the romantic youngster tweeted (then deleted): "@IAMFRIMPONG26: How am I gonna draw girls now". S'alright Frimmy, I'm sure you've got a great personality.
14:04 - Someone just tweeted, re: Zlatan to Arsenal - 'when we sign kalstroom [sic] Zlatan will definitely come because of Sweden connection' - OH GOOD LORD.
14:01 - BBC Sport's David Ornstein tweeted: "Kallstrom in London for medical & personal terms ahead of Arsenal loan move. #Afc unlikely to sign anyone else before deadline #bbcfootball"
13:50 - Arsenal still working on Klose deal which, depending on your pronunciation and optimism, can be made into a 'close' or 'closer'.
13:46 - HOLD UP... No wait, it's just idiots saying that Arsenal are 'rumoured' to be 'interested' in 'speaking' to 'Zlatan'.
13:40 - Nothing's happened. Nothing at all. We've been watching Steely Dan videos on YouTube instead. It's been much funner.
12:55 - Vucinic's agent reckons Arsenal deal is 'off' as player rejects approach (via)
12:40 - SkySports reports suggesting that Emmanuel Frimpong's move to Barnsley is permanent. And look at him! He looks chuffed! Don't worry mate, I'm sure Lethal B will still write... (He won't. He definitely won't)
12:31 - Lot of unfair criticism of Kallstrom on Twitter - he's a quality player that can still do a job for a great team. He has no legs but one of the best left feet in the business. Stop getting hysterical.
12:27 - After a month of speculation, looks like Blaise Matuidi won't be leaving Paris after all - seen posing with PSG newboy Yohan Cabaye in press shots. Call it intuition.
12:25 - Just saw one fan ask 'Mr Wenger' to sign Diego who 'is better than Draxler anyway' - the words... They escape me...
12:21 - Kalou move looks like it'll be a loan. Surprisingly few Arsenal fans acknowledging the rumour as of yet.
12:16 - Rory Smith at the Times: "Mind you, Miro Klose would be a brilliant signing for Arsenal. The closest thing anyone will get to Karlheinz Riedle, in more ways than one."
12:15 - Sorry just went to get some lunch... What did I miss? Well...
11:50 - French sites claiming that Arsene in for Kalou because 'time is running out' - like Kalou is the fat bird on the dancefloor at the end of the night.
11:46 - Squawka reporting Kalou rumours now - maybe those earlier death threats were a little harsh... Actually, think the guy was a Chelsea fan so maybe not.
11:45 - Haven't seen any Pogba to Arsenal rumours yet - is that part of the drinking game too?
11:40 - Mirror's John Cross reporting "Kim Kallstrom has arrived at Arsenal training ground to complete talks, medical and loan deal. Could poss play Sunday" then "I actually think Kallstrom could be good stop gap loan signing. I don't think there will be any more deals from Arsenal" - Cross knows his onions, too.
11:35 - Would a single signing of Kallstrom be enough? Where are the strikers?
11:27 - Hibs hardmanager (see what I did there?) Terry Butcher is looking likely to sign academy defender Daniel Boateng. (via)
11:24 - Crikey that was a crazy twenty minutes - Corinthians announced that they'd let Pato leave the club for right price (ARSENE ASSEMBLE) and Alex Song rumours are picking up pace.
11:03 - Just saw a Liverpool fan say Arsenal were in for Kalou get sent NUMEROUS death threats. Probably fair.
10:53 - Tweet from @Sport_Witness - Michael Kallstrom, Kim's dad, has been asked about Arsenal rumours "I know nothing about it." God, that'd be a bummer.
10:50 - Alex Song: Reception to the rumour (unsubstantiated as yet) has been mixed - good move, surely. Flamini is good but Song is great and not getting the chance at Barça. Loan deal, too, would be excellent.
10:38 - Many saying they'd rather sign Kim Kardashian than Kim Kallstrom. Harsh but, ultimately, pretty fair.
10:30 - Park Chu-Young in talks with Nantes over permanent transfer. Will anyone miss him? No. The answer is no.
10:24 - Okay everyone can stop doing the 'Cherno Samba to Arsenal' rumour now. Never gonna happen, guys.
10:20 - Someone brought me a croissant. Have slathered it in chocolate. Just thought you should know.
10:16 - Looks like Arsenal are finally dumping Dench empty-vessel Frimpong, with Barnsley picking up the pieces on loan. V un-Dench, pal. (via @FourFourTweet)
10: 10 - Wenger says Ramsey's out for six weeks. Imagine how many bicep curls he can do it that time! He'll end up with Jordan Henderson level arms.
10:04 - "i envision calamity befalling Arsenal" - @Qujo_Z, trying his best to sound smart
09:55 - Miroslav Klose now. That's the rumour (according to The Metro). Like the scouts were just like "Well, while we're in Germany might as well look about..." Actually that's probably unfair, the German striker is still a force of nature.
09:45 - "Arsenal will sign Berbatov. I'm telling you" - @spursspanyol
09:35 - Wenger: "The Draxler situation has been created by the newspapers, not by me. He will stay at Schalke" - not our words, obviously, but the words of Arsenal manager via the official Arsenal Twitter.
09:22 - Telegraph are reporting loan moves for Tello and Morata might be on the cards. That'd be such a coup for Wenger that I might lose all motor-skills (and also set Arsenal as my default team on FIFA14)
09:10 - I've got two coffees. Double-fisting already.
08:55 - Vucinic is still being linked to Arsenal by... Well, mostly by Arsenal fans. But there was also that Guardian post yesterday which gives it a LITTLE bit of credibility...