Aston Villa Half-Term Report: Mediocrity Beckons, But At Least We're Not Birmingham

It's been a fine if unspectacular first half of the year; it's not particularly exciting but we'll be happy to see it continue...
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Aston Villa Half-Term Report

What’s going right?
Our young team, which did not bankrupt the club to assemble, are playing exciting, attacking football and most importantly playing for each other, something we’ve not seen down at Aston Villa for years. We can see the team spirit improving with every game.

What's not
Being stuck in the rubbish Premier League in which money is the overriding determining factor of where you finish in the league, everyone of our players could have the season of their lives and we’d still not trouble the top as we have not got a gazzilionaire in charge.

Got the right manager?
Yes, in Lambert we trust, he’s getting the best out of our Academy players and his signings like Benteke, Lowton and Westwood have really improved the team. He is a winner and like Lady Gaga I love his poker-poker-poker-poker-face.

Star player?
Has to be our £7m find Christian Benteke, nothing like watching a young, powerful striker who bullies defenders and gets the crowd on their feet because of the anticipation of the unexpected. We have not had a successful practicioner of the back heel since, well, ever?

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Who would you like to sell in January?
Don’t want to sell anyone really, but maybe Bent just to end the boring national media outcry everytime he does not start.

Who do you want to sign?
Balotelli, for the drama, to see Lambert scare him to death and so he could not score against us.

Best chant so far?
Toss up between “We glow in the dark” and “He’s Belgian Congolese, he’ll knock you off your knees, Christian Benteke”

Best opposition player/team you’ve seen?
Gareth Bale is brilliant, like a giant among men on pitch sometimes.

Biggest **** of the season so far?
Card happy Phil Dowd and Suarez’s dentist.

End of season prediction?
We will not win the Premiership but nestle in mid-table obscurity and have a booze fuelled trip to Wembley.