Super Mario Balotelli is the only player nominated for a Ballon D’Oh who has actually won the less prestigious real thing. In 2010 he was awarded the Young Ballon D’Or and immediately true-to-type grabbed the headlines by insisting that he had never heard of the runner-up Jack Wilshere. At the same event he claimed to only be behind Lionel Messi in the world and that he didn’t celebrate after scoring because doing so was like breathing to him.
Mario is also the only person on the Sabotage Times shortlist who isn’t nominated for an isolated act of stupidity – he has been selected for simply being Mario.
Being Mario means taking a young boy who is being bullied at school back to his comprehensive then tracking down the lad’s tormentor before asking why he is doing such bad things. Once the situation is resolved he drives away.
It means throwing darts from a window at a Manchester City youth player.
It means winning big in a casino and stepping outside to hand a homeless guy a thousand quid.
It means being stopped by the police who discover five grand in his boot. When asked why he has such a sum he replies ‘Because I am rich’.
It means sleeping with Big Brother stunner Sophie Reade then walking into the next room and sleeping with her best friend. When confronted and asked why he replies ‘Because she is more interesting’.
It means being able to enact mind-blowing skills with a football yet having the inability to put on a simple training bib.
It means getting frustrated with a Dynamo Kiev player during a crucial Europa Cup tie and committing a kung fu kick of such savagery that a red card seems lenient.
It means being allergic to certain grasses.
It means setting off fireworks in his house, setting the bathroom alight, and then struggling with a policeman whilst trying to get back inside the burning property because there is a suitcase full of money in there.
It means setting fireworks off at Old Trafford twenty-four hours later.
It means being sent to John Lewis to buy a hoover and cleaning products only to return with two scooters and a trampoline.
Why is it always him? Because he’s Mario.
The Ballon D’Oh is Sabotage Times’ annual award for the world’s daftest footballer. To vote for this player leave a comment below. The player with the most comments/votes by November 25 will be presented with this prestigious award.
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