Bradford City End of Term Report: I'm Getting Nauseous Just Typing This

From promotion favourites to the brink of relegation to non-league. Just how did Peter Taylor manager this remarkable turnaround for Bradford City?
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The ‘I f*cking love this game’ highlight of the season?

Probably Norwich loanee and decent looking midfield prospect Tom Adyemi's controversial last minute winner against arch nemesis Ronnie Moore's Rotherham.

It's the 91st minute at Valley Parade. 1-1. Ronnie Moore stands in the away dugout, receiving his usual dose of grief from the VP crowd - he's never been forgiven for expressing the opinion that Bradford City should have been thrown out of the league after going into administration. A few seasons later Rotherham went into administration.

The game's heading for a draw. A draw which would help Rotherham's flagging promotion bid. The ball breaks to Adyemi in the centre circle. He brings the ball forward. Carries on. And on.

25 yards or so out he lets rip. The ball cannons off the underside of the crossbar and back into play. The linesman flags for a goal. Rotherham's players go ballistic. City fans go mental. Ronnie Moore looks like he's auditioning for a remake of Scanners as his promotion dream slips away from him.

Shortly afterwards he's sacked.


The season ticket shredding moment?

Blimey, how long have you got?

In August we had a proven manager with a host of promotions. A large budget and were the favourites for the top spot.

I was hesitantly confident at the start of the season and still so half way through. It makes amusing reading now.

But looking back through the string of horrendous performances that punctuated our season like t*rds on a canal tow-path, I'd pick out Barnet at home. 1-0 up we were cruising to a pretty comfortable victory with another couple of goals seemingly inevitable. Then, a harmless cross is headed into our own net by an on loan defender whose name I can't be ars*d looking up (Kearnen I think) and Barnet go on get another couple of goals in quick succession.

There were countless other embarrassments, that culminated in the club hanging on to its Football League status with just a couple of games left, but I've managed to wipe out the memories with alcohol.

Moment that just about summed it all up?

Probably that headed own goal. A nothing cross to no one. A young on loan defender when we had our own, experienced, defenders available. 1-0 up against a terrible team who only survived on the last day. I'll have to stop typing. It's making me feel rather nauseous.

Got the right manager?

Well, despite what I thought at the start of the season and even half way through. It would seem we didn't, no. Peter Taylor is now holed up back in Essex with Junior Lewis. I assume they share a bed Eric and Ernie style.

Player of the season?

David Syers. From non-league to League 2 with ease. Ended up our top scorer in double figures. From midfield. Which also shows just how sh*t our strikeforce was.

Muppet of the season?

Countless sh*t referees. That lad who plays centre half for Oxford and used to play for our youth team for being a c*ck after they beat us at their place. I don't even know your name. Ronnie Moore. Sammy McIlroy. The City fans who booed Tommy Doherty after a misjudged backpass. I could probably go on...

What would you change next term if you were the gaffer?

Well, we now have Peter Jackson in charge. McCall part 2. Only with more managerial experience and Grecian 2000. I'd like to see a couple of wingers. A horrible grizzled centre half in the Guy Branston mould  - though not him. Someone in the same vein in midfield alongside Syers - Nicky Butt has been mooted - and someone who can score goals upfront.

Then again there's 91 other teams looking for one of them.

Which player would you like to sign

Clayton Donaldson from Crewe would be a decent capture. Top scorer in our division. A Bradford lad. City fan. Free agent.

There's lots of other clubs looking at him though and I'd be a bit hesitant that he's a one season wonder, who like every other player from the last decade will suddenly develop all the footballing prowess of Stephen Hawking when donning the famous claret and amber.

Best goal?

Omar Daley v Bury

Football’s biggest tosser?

Nothing to do with Bradford City, but that Sepp Blatter's a bit of a t*at isn't he?

Player’s tweet of the season?

Believe it or not, there are a few City players on Twitter. Though unless you like hearing about Nandos or golf you'll be disappointed.

Ex City player Tommy Doherty deserves an honourable mention by reacting to various City fans getting their typing wands in a tizz abusing him, particularly when calling one an 'ugly c*nt'.

More Barry than Stephen Fry.

Most inspired chant?

A bit lost on this one.

Best laugh you had all season?

I watched Hot Tub Time Machine a couple of months back. That was pretty funny.

Either that or a tout at Manchester City asking for £70 for a ticket for their match with West Brom with a straight face when we decided to head there after our match at Macclesfield got called off mid journey.

How do you plan to get through the summer without football?

By doing exactly what I do on a match day. Going to the pub but without the sh*t bit of having to leave for a couple of hours to go to the match.

Any other news?

After the very real threat of being forced out of Valley Parade - our home since 1903 and a ground with a unique connection with the fans due to the fire - to go up to the hole in the ground that is Odsal, it looks like Bradford City will be staying put.

We have a manager in place who's a City man and we're promised a 'competitive budget' next season.

And so it begins again...

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