Chelsea: Sign Anyone Who'll Score & We'll Be Champions Next Year

We've got three international strikers in the Chelsea squad, it's just a shame that they're all terrible...
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Chelsea: Sign Anyone Who'll Score & We'll Be Champions Next Year

What's going right?

The season has ended and the transfer window is about to open.

What's not?

Three words: Torres, Eto'o, Ba.

Right manager?

More like special manager.

Star player?

Cesar "if I had 11 of him I'd win the Champions League" Azpilicueta.

Who would I sell?

Salah and all of our forwards. Maybe David Luiz or Ramires as well if a big money offer comes in.


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Anyone who can score. Ideally bring in one of Diego Costa or Edinson Cavani, then a Lavezzi/Hernandez type as well. Bring Lukaku back from loan and we have to get a goal scoring midfielder, a la Frank.

Best chant so far?

"Stevie Gerrard, Gerrard, he slipped on his fucking arse he gave it to Demba Ba, stevie Gerrard, Gerrard"

Best opposition team you've seen?

Sunderland and Connor Wickham. Joke. In all seriousness Atletico Madrid, who are a better version of this Chelsea side. Courtois is outstanding (see the irony), Juanfran and Miranda faultless, Tiago and Gabi a perfect midfield pairing, and Costa, Villa and Turan  are clinical in attack. Koke is an an utter star in the making, as well. Not to mention a certain Argentine on the touchline.

Biggest w*****?

The entire Liverpool side for thinking they'd won the league in April, or Emmanuel Frimpong for making fun of Jose and our Champions League exit a week before being released by Barnsley. Either or.

Funniest moment?

Really? That's a question that needs to be asked? Two words, eight letters. 'That Slip'.

Next seasons prediction?

The horse becomes a thoroughbred.

Follow Rebecca on Twitter, @RebeccaKnight01