Chelsea's Jose Thinks West Ham's Sam Is Pony: Can They Just Fight Already?
Following Chelsea's disappointed 0-0 draw against recent whipping boys West Ham, boss Jose Mourinho proved he wasn't bitter at all.
Allardyce's backs-to-the-wall approach - or the Pulis Approach, as it's known in footballing parlance - seemed to get to Mr Mourinho, he told BBC: 'This [Premier League] is not the best League in the world; this is football from the 19th century!"
"The only [other] thing I could bring was a Black and Decker [tool] to destroy the wall!"
The 19th century? Haven't you ever read hipster tome Inverting The Pyramid, Jo? They used to play with like, eight forwards.
Anyway, annoyingly, Mr Allardyce seemed almost proud of his non-footballing-football-formation and even prouder that he managed to get under Jose's skin.
"He can't take it, can he? He can't take it because we've outwitted him - he just can't cope," He boasted to the BBC, eyes gleaming like the moon-glinting gravy in a particularly smug meat pie.
But what did Jose expect? After numerous batterings at the hands of almost every team they've played recently, including Nottingham-bloody-Forest, it's the only option for Big Sam.
Despite this, I'd love for the spat to continue and for someone to arrange a bare knuckle boxing match between the two in North London. Maybe Pulis could be referee? (Though he might be a bit reticent to get manager-blood on his best trackie...)
For imagery purposes, it would be great to see Mourinho having a dog on a leash barking at Allardyce. Now picture Ian Holloway as that dog.
The little terrier.