Team: Tottenham Hotspur
What's going right? Hold on. As I type this with Spurs v Chelsea on my desktop, Drogba’s about to take the penalty that will put the Other Scum 2-1 up from 1-0 down… SAVED IT! SAVED IT! Roman Abramovich, Carlo Ancelotti, John Terry, Frank Lampard, Didier Drogba, Ray ‘Butch’ Wilkins, David Mellor, Michael Greco, Bubble off Big Brother, assorted fat cunts – your boys took a hell of a drawing! (Aside from that, we’re through to the Champions League knockout stages having topped a tough group, including that legendary win over Inter, we’re in contention for the title, spirits are high and we are always entertaining. Plus I hazily recall a win at the Emirates.)
What's not? Ben Dover’s likelier to keep a clean sheet.
Got the right manager? Only Mike Ashley might think otherwise.
Star player? Bale – has to be – with an honorable mention for Modric, who pulls the strings.
Who would you like to sell in January? Keane. Such a shame for a man once worshipped at the Lane. (Wolves, Villa, Fulham and West Ham are rumoured to be interested. Happily for the player, I believe he supported them all as a youth.)
Who do you want to sign? Any proven striker. Someone with bags of confidence who nets for fun, because our crop simply don’t score enough. I’d gladly take Adebayor off City. (I know. I know.)
Best chant so far? “Taxi for Maicon!”
Best opposition player/team you've see? All shit.
Biggest **** of the season so far? Howard Webb. Should never be allowed to referee another Spurs game. Which reminds me of the second-best chant. “World Cup – and you fucked it up! World Cup – and you fucked it up!”
Any other news? Rumours flying that Harry Redknapp has killed Santa.
End of season prediction? Spurs fans always expected the worst, because the worst always happened. Under Redknapp, there’s a sneaking suspicion that may no longer be the case. Yet it’s so hard to retrain the mindset. So I’ll predict we’ll go out of the Champions League after the second knockout game and finish fifth in the Prem, while half-thinking we’re in with a shot of the semi – nah, bugger it, the final – plus top four.
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