Manchester United vs. Manchester City - refresh the page for the latest updates...
THE FINAL WHISTLE HAS BLOWN. 4-1 to the Blues. City: inventive, relentless, clinical. United: lazy, clueless, humiliated.
Two from Aguero, one apiece from Nasri and Toure. City dominated from the start and went in at half time 2-0 up after United had no response for their brilliant start.
For a United fan, this is the type of day to forget. Lock it in a drawer, throw away the key and allow it to collect dust and relentlessly deny it ever happened. For City fans, this was a buoyant derby performance which demonstrated that their poor early season form is over. Here is a team with serious title credentials.
David Moyes' team was awful in almost every department, although a stubborn Wayne Rooney did his best to mark himself out as arguably their best performer on the day. This isn't a great award to win, by the way, considering how awful almost everyone else was. This United side looked like an under 11 team up against kids several years older. Timid, slower, weaker and just hoping they didn't get the cr@p beaten out of them.
Statistics when it came to touches in the opposition area were similar and United ended up having more possession, but this means nothing when there is absolutely no clinical contribution. United were second best, simple as that. Moyes will have a lot to answer for after this and these are worrying times for a rudderless, dejected United side.
Here's the two tweets which best sum today up:
Nuff said. Chin up, we move on, but boy oh boy, we have a lot to ponder over.
15.39 Vincent Kompany... Tremendous player, eloquent spokesperson for the game, but my God, he looks more like Megamind every time I see him #whataweirdheadshape.
15.41 RvP missing with a groin strain; great boost for City pre kick off.
15.43 United Starting XI: De Gea; Smalling, Vidic, Rio, Evra; Valencia, Fellaini, Carrick, Young; Rooney, Welbeck
15.44 City Starting XI: Hart, Zabaleta, Kompany, Nastasic, Kolarov, Nasri, Fernandinho, Toure, Navas, Aguero, Negredo
15.44 Nani and Kagawa on the bench for United, along with Hernandez, Cleverly, Buttner, Evans and Amos.
15.48 Evra against Navas... Intriguing match up. Patrice's knees are getting a bit creakier and Navas sprints like he runs on jet fuel.
15.50 Breaking news: Ashley Young struggling to make it in time as he's currently flying/diving over New York City:
15.53 GO ON MICHAEL
15.54 ManCity have 0 players from their own academy today. ManUtd have had an academy player in every game since October 1937. (Courtesy of @MufcDevilUpdate)
15.56 Here we go, players out of the tunnel, Eithad full and ready to go. #comeonunited
1* RvP's first match missed through injury in two and a half years GREAT DAY TO GET A GROIN STRAIN ROBIN.
1* Rooney getting booed any time he goes near the ball as you'd expect; hopefully his new sports turban will block out some of the noise for him.
2* Welbeck with a great opportunity to turn, poor first touch and a trip, the boy has to do better there!
4* Vidic with a terribly sloppy pass, luckily Navas skies it. Early game jitters even for the biggest players on the pitch.
5* Nastasic booking for clattering into Smalling; City players crowding around Howard Webb like a group of paedophiles at a primary school gate.
8* All very cagey and nervous thus far; De Gea slices a clearance, Fernandinho with a dodgy underhit pass. Still waiting for the players to settle.
9* Clever dummy by Negredo, corner for City, silky interplay. All started from a delicate scoop pass from Nasri- like David Silva, a fantastic player who seems to have struggled for a while now.
11* City looking the more threatening but United are pressing well, under the cosh a little though.
12* Great persistence by Negredo to keep the ball in play; The Etihad is roaring as City continue to assert their dominance early on.
13* Vidic crawling all over Negredo like a monkey scaling a tree... Always gonna win those!
14* City fans roar as Rooney innocuously kicks the ball into Aguero... #handsbagsattheready
15* GOAL FOR CITY - Nasri delicately lays it off, Aguero with a fantastic volley near the centre spot from a cross. Well deserved goal, United need to step it up. Intense first 15 minutes.
18* City all over us, goal has given them an immense confidence boost. I am one unhappy United fan right now, this is my face:
19* Gary Neville once again providing excellent insight, Valencia at fault for the City goal. Hopefully his head won't drop.
21* Frankenstein Rooney's head condom comes off, DUN DUN DUNNN. This has the making of a great derby, really relentless pace thus far, be interesting to see if both teams can keep it up. Man U getting forward a tad more.
23* Rooney fails to hold his run, great opportunity to equalise.
25* Valencia out-muscled by Yaya Toure; possibly the only footballer in the world unafraid of Valencia's ludicrous biceps.
27* Replay of potential City penalty, defo a no penalty, Kolarov looking for it after realising he'd lost the ball.
28* City breaking dangerously again, down the left, ends in nothing after a Ferdinand block. Rooney booked, Moyesy with his hands in his hips and doing his best to look mean and moody.
30* United with a bit more possession, much needed, patient build up play but without a telling pass yet.
32* The amount City fans are moaning is ludicrous... They're like a whiny fat kid asking for another Mars bar.
33* Ashley Young almost connecting with an ill-timed tackle in the box there, hearts in mouths but no contact made.
35* Pace has slowed a tad; City deservedly 1-0 up on reflection, United lacking in the final third and not enough possession. Need someone to unlock the defence. Push Rooney up and swap Welbeck for Kagawa... ?
40* Young with a hopeless ball into the box. Almost as bad at crossing as he is at staying upright.
41* Kompany continuing to get the best out of a frustrated Rooney, who's yet to provide a glimpse of invention. Valencia with a disappointing shot off target from the edge of the box.
42* United without a shot on target; City with one, Aguero's goal.
43* Neville suggesting Rooney drops off Kompany in an effort to shake off the City captain, who's thus far been imperious. Worth a try Wayne...
44* Moyes has to inject some dynamism into this team at half time. Whether he can do that without a substitution, I don't know. But a tactical or personnel change is necessary- we've clearly been second best.
45* GOAL - City corner, Yaya Toure latches onto a header from Negredo. Last kick of the half and they deserve to be 2-0 up...
FIRST HALF OVER - Carrick boots the ball away at the whistle in frustration. Disappointing United performance summed up by the scoreline. Second best to every ball and not good enough #harshbuttrue. Allow me to express every United's frustration with this gif of a cat:
16.54 Yaya immense, Valencia's defensive contribution weak at the worst possible moments. Carragher puts it well and I completely agree with him. United just seemed a bit lost in that first half and there's a nagging feeling in my mind that maybe this could be another 6-1 :(...
BORE OFF PIERS
46* GOAL: 3-0 City... Simple finish for Aguero after Negredo out-muscles Vidic to cross it in. Embarrassing.
47* Tom Cleverly coming on. Shall we just start waving the white flag now? Man United are like that ugly kid at the school disco sitting on the side and wondering how they can turn everything around. Or avoid further humiliation.
49* GOAL: 4-0 City. Nasri volley, further demonstrating City's superiority. Shameful now, Cleverly on for Young.
55* Rooney leans back and hits a chance over the bar. Sums us up. City's goals have come from lax defensive play from United, no worldies. Going forward, even worse. United look weak and lack invention.
58* United 2 corners, City 8. United's shooting statistics even more pathetic. This has thus far been a disastrous and we'd need a 'turning water into wine' esque miracle to get anything out of this now.
59* Majestic pass from Michael Carrick and a good run from Welbeck, a rare highlight. But to no avail as Joe Hart scoops a defelected shot up.
*62 Rooney's free kick straight into the wall. Yep. Juuuust about sums it up.
63* Fellaini gets pulled up for a foul in the City box, unfair but with his size and reputation for elbowing, what do you expect?
64* Brilliant tackle by Zabaleta on Fellaini - what a fantastic defender and warrior he is.
66* Really missing RvP. But the thing is we've been awful in the middle and at the back too. We look frightened... We need a fiery temperament like a Bruce or a Keane in there to grab them by the scruff of the neck and say wtf?
69* Valencia booked. Exasperated beyond belief.
73* Dzeko coming on, super sub has a history of scoring late goals; could we be looking at a cricket score?
76* City continuing to counter attack effectively, not settling at all for the 4-0 humiliation.
78* Really reluctantly impressed by this City team today. Aguero and Negredo were fantastic up top, Yaya at his brutish best. They turned up eager and executed everything brilliantly. The total antithesis of United. This United team has had no life in it - like a granny in an OAP home crying out to be smothered with a pillow.
80* United hit the post, goal mouth scramble, but still no goal. Closest United have came and it's entirely redundant now.
82* Cleverly down writhing in agony after a palm to the face... Probably hoping that the ground will swallow him up forever more.
85* Aguero being subbed off to a standing ovation. Two goals and a typically committed performance, terrific player.
84* Delicate Rooney footwork leads to a foul 25 yards out. Consolation free kick perhaps?
86* GOAL: 4-1 City. Great Rooney free kick, top corner, Hart gets a hand to it but unable to keep it out. A rare show of brilliance on today's generally dire showing.
88* Yaya Toure confirmed as man of the match and well deserved too. Strong, relentless, also technically able, force of nature. How United could do with him marauding around the pitch in a red shirt.
92* I think United have been robbed today, we had all the possession and Howard Webb did his classic 'don't give United anything' #loljk #wewereshiiite.