Non-Existent Nines: Aberdeen's Goal Shy Joke Darren Mackie

He was a striker who scored one in five, a 'Reading Champion' at a local school despite admitting he never picked up a book and reckoned he had a career in training goalies after he hung up his boots. Here's Aberdeen's wacky Darren Mackie...
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Aberdeen FC has had more than it's fair share of success, unfortunately it all happened in one decade - the 1980s - giving this generation of fans a ridiculously high level of expectation, so having Darren Mackie, a striker who scores 58 goals in 14 trophy-less years is pretty much a leveller to any hopes those fans had. That's 312 appearances, or one in five. The other four consisting of said fans face-palming for 90 minutes and wondering what kind of blackmail deal he had going with the latest manager.

4 down to Celtic? Get Mackie on!

Towards the end of his career with the Dons, Mackie suffered several injuries and setbacks, appearing mostly as a sub and becoming a recurring joke in the stands. 4 down to Celtic? Get Mackie on! His case wasn't helped by an ever-changing management team renewing his contract to the bemusement of supporters, accepting that the club could sign no better, or his position of Reading Champion at a primary school, where he admits: "I don't read books.." followed by "My favourite book is Lord of the Rings, although I haven't read the book I have watched the films." What?   If he becomes a coach, maybe he could train goalkeepers: "I never actually played in goal, but I did score by being in the way of a goal kick once" Seriously, one of his most memorable moments was the ball ricocheting off his arse and going in. You can't teach that.

On the plus side, he scored a great winner in a UEFA qualifier against Dnipro Unpronouncable, managed double figures in 2004-2005 and when we loaned him to Inverness, he didn't score any, so, every cloud.

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