Presidents Cup: Tiger Woods vs Steve Williams

Tiger's ex-caddy went one step too far when he declared himself the winner of a golf tournament last August - now the two are set to face each other in the Presidents Cup.
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'It's we Steve, not I...'

That Steve Williams resembles a Gorilla with an overbite the Druids could rest under bears little relevance to this article, but I just like saying it. My opinion of Williams, as a golf fan, journalist, ex-editor and occasional radio and TV guest has always been the same. A miserable, arrogant bag carrier who thought of himself as a superstar because he carried for Tiger Woods.

I wouldn't slash on him if he was burning.

However I reckon he topped himself yesterday when, after his new squeeze Adam Scott won the WGC at Firestone, he said the following… "The greatest win of my career," he said. "I back myself as a frontrunner as a caddie and I have won again."

Let's look at the first part of that statement. Most people would recognise it as a lie. I'd say it is one of the most delusional statements in the history of the art. As caddie for Tiger Woods, Steve was on the bag for 13 of his 14 Major victories only to be sacked recently as Woods looks to make changes in his pursuit of getting back to the top of the world. Adam Scott is a nice guy and a fantastic golfer, but to say that a WGC event compares to a wire-to-wire victory at St Andrews, or a thrilling play-off win at Augusta, is ridiculous.

The problem with Steve is that he’s such a boneheaded berk and cannot see how all this comes across.

Now the second part of the statement. Notice the emphasis on I. Every caddie I have ever, ever, heard speak uses 'we'. In fact, so do a lot of golfers. You can't really blame the golfers if they say 'I', what with them hitting the shots, practising every day from the age of four and what not, but for a caddie to say 'I have won again' is both baffling in its stupidity and startling in its arrogance.

But there is more. When he caddied for Tiger, Williams treated the press like Tiger allegedly treated women - used tampons cast into a car park if the story is to be believed. Steve, remember, once threw a camera into a lake because it offended his gaffer. He snarled at journos, barged fans out of the way and generally acted like a gorilla with an ov… ah, you know that one.

It wasn't his fault though, oh no, because he was so entranced with earning 10% of all Tiger's competition earnings that he turned into a living breathing ventriloquists doll. "I guess caddieing for Tiger, I've probably been a bit unfair to the media sometimes. I realise I owe you guys something, so it's no problem," he said before launching into his narcissistic tirade.

The problem with Steve is that he’s such a boneheaded berk and cannot see how all this comes across. In his mind, that tiny speck of dust located behind 12 inches of rumpled bone, all of these statements make it look like he has gotten over Tiger and is now free of his draconian code. He seems to have forgotten his bleating about his sacking and has seemingly had Tiger’s arrogance rub off on him to a point where he believes that he is as important as the golfer in all of this. No wonder Tiger sacked him.

During his tenure with Woods, Williams was more often than not New Zealand’s highest paid sports personality, racking up over £3 million in a good year. He has constantly denied that he knew anything about the swordsmanship of his gaffer and you get the impression, even if it is now impossible, that he would bound back into Tiger’s world without a second thought for Adam Scott.

It’s hard to argue that they probably deserve each other.

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