VIDEO: Can Man United Beat City To Sign This World Class Brazilian?

A no-brainer, surely?
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Can Man United Beat City To Sign World Class Brazilian?

For about the past eight years, there's only been one best right-back in the world. His name is Philip Lahm, but if you forget him for a second then you'd be hard-pushed to find anyone coming close to Barça's brilliant Brazilian Dani Alves.

Adventurous, outrageous, blessed with a great shot, pace, power, skills, bad tattoos, worse hair and a knack for racking up assist after assist like a greedy banker chopping out great big lines of gak, like slugs made of sherbet, on the table of a Mayfair stripclub at four am while his wife and kids are at home. He knows he should be elsewhere, tucked up in bed with the woman who loves him, but he just can't pull himself away, shirt drenched in sweat, Coke fuelling his fire, melting his waxed side-parting and, uh... Where was I? Oh yeah, Alves is great at assists.

Well yeah, Alves is out of contract at the end of the season and that'll put long-time admirers Man United and Man City l on red alert, according to The Mirror. He's getting on a *bit* at thirty-one but you'd be crazy to think he wasn't an improvement on Valencia or bloody Glen bloody Johnson, the useless t**t.