West Ham: Sack Clueless Allardyce & Never Play Nolan Up Front Again

Signing Carroll could haunt us forever. Allardyce might be the 13th highest paid manager in THE WORLD, but he ain't worth s*** to me...
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West Ham: Sign Pelle, Sack Clueless Allardyce & Never Play Nolan Up Front...

What’s going right?
We've got a squad with a few great players, who're either ripe for sale (truth hurts) or will give us the quality necessary to keep us in the top flight. Mark Noble is still unsurpassed in his ability to keep the game ticking over with timely tackles and top-notch passing whilst also looking like an owl; Winston Reid is injured but is one of the league's best young centre-halves; Mohamed Diamé is Yaya Touré-lite and well, we've also got Ravel Morrison (until June, probably).

What’s not?
The 'false nine' doesn't work and beating Spurs (twice) was probably the worst thing could have happened, allowing false hope. Kevin Nolan hasn't got the legs to play upfront; he barely has the legs to play in the hole anymore. Playing wingers who are among the best crossers in the league in Downing and Jarvis is for nought if they've not got a target (or if the target - Nolan, mate, I'm looking at you - is puffing like a middle-aged builder by the time he gets in there). At least Nolan did us a favour with his Liverpool red, even if it was just so he could have a nice break over Christmas...

Got the right manager?
Not in the slightest. We've got a clueless manager who bought terribly (besides Ravel, admittedly) and structured a team around a notoriously goal-shy and injury-prone striker then, when said injury-prone unnamed dead-horse striker turned up very injured, merely shrugged and said "Well I tried". Inexplicable substitutions, vaguely racist post-match interviews (if he makes the 'Allerdechi' joke one more time I'm going to throw myself onto the railings outside the ground from a great height) and no plan B. He's the thirteenth highest paid manager in the world though, he'd have to be f****** dragged out.

Star player?
Ravel Morrison - too good for us, too good for most. Not seen a player with such natural talent at Upton Park since young Joe Cole (before he ended up having an a*** like Nicki Minaj).

Who would you like to sell in January?
Genuinely no one - selling Andy Carroll would be nice but I think he likes Essex clubs and being paid a jillion pounds to do nothing but twist a knee now-and-again to ever leave.

More West Ham...

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Who do you want to sign?
Feyenoord's Graziano Pelle. Liverpool's Luis Alberto (on loan), would be nice. Leeds United's Ross McCormack. City's Abdul Razak.

Best chant so far?
"Odemwingie, woah-oh. Odemwingie, woah-oh. He drove to QPR, they left him in his car..." was a personal favourite.

Best opposition player/team you’ve seen?
Liverpool - couldn't compete. Couldn't get near Suarez (we've not been the only ones, to be fair).

Biggest **** of the season so far?
Frank Lampard - just because he's Frank Lampard and it's prerequisite to detest him.

Funniest Moment of the season so far?
Big Sam laughing in Chico's face after the erratic Swansea defender's play-acting was, admitted, hilarious.

End of season prediction?
14th - late season surge to keep us up (hopefully).