West Ham United: If My Season Ticket Wasn't Plastic I'd Tear It Up

It's been a horrid season for West Ham United supporters, here's the season in bitter detail, from losing a 2-0 lead against Man Utd to Danny Gabbidon flipping his lid
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It's been a horrid season for West Ham United supporters, here's the season in bitter detail, from losing a 2-0 lead against Man Utd to Danny Gabbidon losing his stack

The ‘I f*cking love this game’ highlight of the season?

Carlton Cole’s first goal to make it 3-0 against Manchester United in the Carling Cup. At this point I thought we might be on for a draw.

The season ticket shredding moment?

The collapse in the second leg of the semi-final of the Carling Cup. How can you lose from 3-1 up? Bitterly disappointing especially as just one goal would have taken us through but the players showed no application. Or desire. Or ability. If my season ticket wasn’t made of plastic I would have torn it up at that point.

Moment that just about summed it all up?

2-0 up against Manchester United at Half time, they bring on Hernandez. After 30 seconds he made the defence look completely static and I knew even though we were 2-0 up we would lose. We lost 2-4. Fans deserve the right to be optimistic. I had that taken from me this season.

Got the right manager?

Do you mean “Did we have the right manager?” No. Next question?

Player of the season?

It would be churlish to nominate anyone other than Scott Parker. Tried really hard to think of someone else but can’t. So Scott Parker it is. He’s played his heart out for West Ham through injuries and the loss of his father and is an example to all the other players which they sadly choose not to follow.

Muppet of the season?

The rest of them.

What would you change next term if you were the gaffer?

More than anything there needs to be a change in attitude amongst those who remain and a change in buying policy. We have a good youth system and we should blood more youngsters sooner rather than later. If the financial situation is as grim as the board says we will need to get them into the first team now and build for the future and try to stop signing short-term fat, injury prone, lazy strikers.

Which player would you like to sign?

In a dream world, a creative midfield player – no names spring to mind. Collison and Noble are good but don’t have that killer ball. I’d love to have Yossi Benayoun back. Like I said, dream world.

Best goal?

Carlton Cole’s goal against Liverpool was celebrated harder than any other it seemed because we were under the cosh at 2-1 and he came on and just belted it into the bottom corner.

Biggest tosser?

David Sullivan. What a knob. If it’s true that Ba refused to sigh autographs at the end of season dinner he would come a close second. His name only has two letters for god’s sake.

Player’s tweet of the season?

Has to be Danny Gabbidon’s rant telling everyone to go forth. He’s no Pele that’s for sure but I don’t feel the criticism that he has had this season has been valid.

Most inspired chant?

We’ve been struggling a bit this season – plus I haven’t made many away games which is where you find the best chants. We’ve been struggling to find a suitable one for Demba Ba – I suggested “Demba, Demba have you scored a goal? Yes Sir, Yes Sir, so has Carlton Cole” but had no takers. And it wasn’t true anyway.

Best laugh you had all season?

Tottenham spending all that money on a judicial review over the Olympic Stadium and Barry Hearn’s posturing in the press. Good luck. Haha! 4 points and 60,000 seater Stadium off Totts this season. Best West Ham result!

How do you plan to get through the summer without football?

I’d like to forget about it all together, it’s far too painful to think about. I may consider writing another book. As we will be a Championship side next season the first match will only be a fortnight after the playoff finals so I wont have long to wait. Deep joy.

Any other news?

Just come back from Brazil where the weather is better and the football is a lot more entertaining. I am considering a permanent move.

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