Wolves Fans' Season Preview: Trust In Ståle And We'll Bounce Straight Back

It's been a turbulent few months at Molineux, but if the players can adapt to playing on the deck under Solbakken then we should be able to return to the top at the first crack
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Wolves Pre season: Good, bad or ugly?

Have they had one?

I have been far too busy watching people riding bikes, splashing around in pools, jumping with poles, lifting heavy things, throwing sharp sticks and running round ovals quite quickly.

Oh, and I made some splendid cakes to have with my afternoon cup of tea.

Hopes for the season:

That Wolves enter the real world and reduce prices to a reasonable level – they seem utterly blind to the fact that we are still in the middle of a recession and the West Midlands is one of the hardest hit areas. The club are really going to have to work hard to drag the fans back that they have driven away. Ensconced in their Old Gold Towers, they assumed that people would just blindly continue coughing up hard-earned money, lapping up the bullsh*t and attending games ad infinitum.

Big mistake, fans have just had enough - as the greatly reduced season ticket renewal has shown.

Fears for the season:

That nothing will change at Molineux.

Unfortunately, it looks like it is going to be a case of ‘same old, same old’ as the club immediately came out and blamed the fans for the ticketing chaos before the League Cup game against Aldershot, when nearly 1,000 people were stuck outside (Wolves needed extra time and penalties to beat a team two divisions lower).

The only positive to take from that game was the fact that the hapless Terry Connor and his clip board were nowhere to be seen.

Absolute bare minimum you’ll accept

Top 3 and the resignation of Jez Moxey.

The club are really going to have to work hard to drag the fans back that they have driven away

Fixture you’re most looking forward to?

British Sea Power at Kidderminster Severn Valley Railway Station in September.

But, if I am to be dragged screaming and kicking to Wolves, I suppose Bolton.

Got the right manager?

He is untried in this country, but his record is pretty impressive. I am hopeful that he will prove to be a shrewd appointment, however it will take time to expunge the pre-historic ‘put a shift in’ hoofball tactics from the club.

Thank goodness we have finally got rid of McCarthy; regrettably we are saddled with the dross he spent a fortune on. – maybe we could offer BOGOF?

By Christmas you’ll be…

Mid-table, having struggled to adapt to the curious tactics of passing the ball along the ground to a team mate, moving, receiving the ball from a team mate and smashing it into the back of the onion bag in order to beat opponents.

Players you’d most like to sign?

A complete new defence, devoid of gaping holes, please.

Which player should we look out for?

Anyone that sounds like a refugee from the Sugarcubes.

Which player would you love to ditch?

I can’t limit that to one, there is so much dead wood in the squad, it needs major deforestation. Hopefully, Mick will be back to take them off our hands if gets a new job.

Will somebody please hurry-up and give him a new contract (not you BBC/ITV)?


Opposition hate figure?

It will probably be Fletcher #headsgone, although we do have plenty of experience of players running round like headless chickens at the Wolves.

Tell us something we don’t know about your club?

The fans are to blame for every little thing that goes wrong; I am waiting for a call from Paxman to appear on Newsnight and explain our role in the Eurozone crisis.

What I hope won’t happen this season?

Goal Music.

Not because we haven’t scored any goals, but because they have finally canned it at Molineux. I don’t know anyone at all who likes it.

I would also like the announcer to just read the team line-ups and the half-time scores using a calm, modulated voice and then shut up.

Favourite chant?

“You’ve only scored 5, you’ve only scored 5, how sh*t must you be, you’ve only scored 5!”

(When Manchester United put, er, 5 past us in March)

Where will you finish?

Promoted, if Ståle Solbakken is financially backed, allowed to get his own team in and given enough support.

Any other news?

Yes, the Molineux Rose in my garden is in full bloom. It looks exquisite, which is more than I can say for the lop-sided abomination of a football stadium in WV1.

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