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What's The Funniest Thing You've Ever Heard At A Game?
Ever been left on the floor by a wisecrack in the stands? This lot have...
There was a guy on the pitch at half-time proposing to his girlfriend. The entire crowd were chanting “You don’t know what you’re doing!”
Steve Hodgson
Read it in an Everton fanzine once - after yet another theatric fall someone shouted at Drogba ‘wish my wife went down as well as you’ to which someone a few rows down immediately bellowed ‘she does’.
Seb White
At the start of the second half in a match between Pompey & Sheffield Wednesday a rather wide Kevin Pressman came “jogging” onto the pitch to replace the goalie from the first half. The Fratton End welcomed him with a couple of “You fat bastard”s which he acknowledged with good grace. In the silence after I stood up and shouted “Do you get paid in Lolly Pops Pressman”? Fratton End erupts in laughter and a smiling Pressman actually gave me a clap. Sheffield Wednesday’s shirt sponsor that season was Chuppa Chups.
John Huish
This teenage girl behind me at Highbury had the harshest voice in the world. Like a cat with laryngitis being strangled. One game she was so frustrated by the opposition’s unwillingness to give up the ball that she stood up and shouted (right in my ear) “SOMEBODY! DO! SOMETHING!” With inspirational advice like that, a career in management surely beckons.
@MattWeiner
Cardiff City fans chanted ‘Do the Ayatollah Aliens!’ when something in the sky covered in light hovered above Ninian park a few years back.
Alex Lock
Celtic fans at a Glasgow derby: “2 Andy Gorams, there’s only 2 Andy Gorams.” It had just come out in the press that he suffered from schizofrenia.
Iain Russell
At Villa Park in 1999 for the FA Cup semi-final between Manchester United and Arsenal. Extra time. United down to ten men. Substitute Ryan Giggs who’d been making little impact standing close to the touchline near where I’m sitting. Bloke in front of me screams, “Oi, Giggs! Do you want to join in?” A few seconds later, Patrick Vieira misplaces a pass. Giggs picks the ball up, runs half the length of the pitch and smashes the ball past Seaman to score one of the greatest goals ever. I think he did want to join in.
@justynbarnes
At Rafa’s first Chelsea game I read that when Rafa first got off the bench & went to touchline someone shouted “hey Rafa,more bread for table 9″
Mark Vernon
The most ridiculous thing I’ve heard at a football game had to be a Spurs mate who, frustrated by Ruel Fox’s inability to do anything apart from run around like a headless chicken, stood up and yelled “Fox! Think laterally!” His mates are still taking the piss out of him for this 20 years later.
@MattWeiner
Newcastle fans away at West Ham(?) late 80′s, to two bemused blond cops wearing shades - “When will I, will I be famous?”
@CleetusAwreetus
My funniest was actually at the cricket, at Lords, in the early 1990s when England were playing the West Indies. There was a bit of a lull in the game and some bloke a few rows back thought it would be hilarious, because everyone in cricket wears the same boring white outfits, to shout “COME ON YOU WHITES!” Everyone turned around in disbelief and you could see the blood draining from his face while his brain caught up with the connotations of what he’d just said. He started desperately apologising to everyone saying he didn’t mean it like that. What a doofus.
@joshburt76
Toby Young
Frustrated by Arsenal’s desire to walk the ball in the net through a defensive block of 11 opponents in their own area, I’d had enough. “IT’S TOO INTRICATE!”. It still is at times
@TheArsenal_
Hereford vs Cardiff mid 90s more away fans than home, as they kept coming in heard a shout, ‘they’re like rabbits, not sheep’
itsjonahg
At Maine Road when City were shit. United fans singing, “You never win fuck all, you never win fuck all….”. Middle-aged man (City end) clearly a little irate, turns towards the away end and shouts, “That’s a fucking double negative, we don’t win all the time….pricks.” Ever since hearing this story I’ve been wary of the grammatical content of my chanting.
Jason Yu
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COMMENTS
at a Chelsea v spurs game a few years back, Chelsea fan shouts at Ian walker , oi your old man still out of work, walker turned around and said yes he is , and he got a nice pay off as well, how about you , you still cleaning toilets, to which the Chelsea fans roared .
Hibs vs. Hearts in the late 90s. Ball goes for a shy taken by Stevie Fulton, a less than attractive Jambo. After taking some stick from the East Terrace he blows them a kiss, receiving a booking for incitement or something similar. Cue the stand bursting into a chorus of "booked for being ugly," even Fulton was laughing
Sheff wed v Man city 2007 FA Cup. Unfortantely overweight/ obese man city fan is spotted by the weds fans in the adjoining North stand. To the tune of "monster" by the Automatic, 5000 owls fans pointed at the poor sad looking tubbster "whats that sitting next to the post, is it a fat c#nt, is it a fat c#nt". felt sorry for the guy
Hearts match featuring the extremely unfit Christian Nade - Hearts fan shouts, "GET YER SELF WARMED UP, NADE, YER COMING AFF!"
At a dour Tranmere Rovers game against Yeovil a few years back a woman with a rather shrill voice kept screaming for the ball to be played out wide. "Wing. Wing. Wing" An old bloke turned round after this had happened a few times and shouted "Will someone answer that fucking phone"
That time when Chelsea had a ban on signing new players, and the Stoke support sang: "You're not signing anymore!"
Away fans at a Brighton home game: "Stand up if you can't sit down..."
Wimbledon v Portsmouth FA Cup Tie 1987. With Pompey getting hammered 4 v 0 half way through the 2nd half their fans started a chant of 'Mickey's out on Monday' to cheer themselves up. The Mickey they were referring to was Mick Quinn who was at her Majesty's pleasure for a four week stretch for a 2nd drink driving conviction.
At United vs Liverpool in the early nineties, the asthetically challenged Beardsley ran over to take a throw in, when a guy from a few rows back shouted 'That reminds Peter, I must remember to take that pig's head out the freezer!'.
Heard one a long time ago about Les Sealey getting a load of grief from some guy to which Les said, 'Fuck off mate, your house would fit in my garage.' Always liked that one and would love it to be true. RIP
united vs swansea around 1984,stood next to the away supporters,swansea lad with a ginger quiff(?)walks upto the fence giving it the hard man look, bloke in our end shouts "who cut your hair? salford council?"
leeds vs Newcastle 2000, toon fans sang for a solid 40 mins: "Heeyeeey, lee Bowyer ooh Hah! I wanna know-ow-ow-ow, why you're not in jail. I laffed and I'm a leeds fan.
Coventry v West Ham 1981/2. Me and my mate were sat in the front row of seats in the away end. The ball ended up against the hoarding in front of us. The Cov player, downes?, came for the ball. He was about 4 ft away and as he bent down my mate pointed at him and shouted 'look at his fuckin eye brows, they're massive' my mate started t laugh but was put firmly back in his place with the loudest, most violent 'FUCK OFF' reply I've heard! My mate shit himself, I on the other hand pissed my self!!
At a tight Super 15 rugby match at Kings Park, Durban 2011 between the sharks and bulls the referee gave a dodgy penalty to the bulls 5 minutes before time to which he got chants of the referee is a wanker from us sharks fans in the stands. A minute later he made up for it by giving the sharks a penalty at the other end to which a guy a few rows down shouted the referee's my father...he was applauded as we would've won with the conversion. To top it off the bulls were awarded another penalty with the last kick to which the poor fellow down in front got abused by us singing your father is a wanker! Classic stuff!
Boro v Newcastle a few years back and the Boro fans give it "stand up if you love Boro" to which the Newcastle fans retort " stand up if you shag your kids", a reference to the (largely false) allegations of widespread child abuse in Cleveland in the 1980s. Quite a pithy response.....had the Boro fans not spotted it a mile off and sat down leaving 2000 odd Geordies on their feet singing "stand up if you shag your kids" and some people think it's just their owner who's a clown.
Hearts v Hibs at Tynecastle - linesman gives a shit offside decision. Guy in the terrace just behind him shouts "My brother's at home - shagging your wife!"
SABOTAGE
