There was a guy on the pitch at half-time proposing to his girlfriend. The entire crowd were chanting "You don't know what you're doing!"
Read it in an Everton fanzine once - after yet another theatric fall someone shouted at Drogba 'wish my wife went down as well as you' to which someone a few rows down immediately bellowed 'she does'.
At the start of the second half in a match between Pompey & Sheffield Wednesday a rather wide Kevin Pressman came "jogging" onto the pitch to replace the goalie from the first half. The Fratton End welcomed him with a couple of "You fat bastard"s which he acknowledged with good grace. In the silence after I stood up and shouted "Do you get paid in Lolly Pops Pressman"? Fratton End erupts in laughter and a smiling Pressman actually gave me a clap. Sheffield Wednesday's shirt sponsor that season was Chuppa Chups.
This teenage girl behind me at Highbury had the harshest voice in the world. Like a cat with laryngitis being strangled. One game she was so frustrated by the opposition's unwillingness to give up the ball that she stood up and shouted (right in my ear) "SOMEBODY! DO! SOMETHING!" With inspirational advice like that, a career in management surely beckons.
Cardiff City fans chanted 'Do the Ayatollah Aliens!' when something in the sky covered in light hovered above Ninian park a few years back.
Celtic fans at a Glasgow derby: "2 Andy Gorams, there's only 2 Andy Gorams." It had just come out in the press that he suffered from schizofrenia.
At Villa Park in 1999 for the FA Cup semi-final between Manchester United and Arsenal. Extra time. United down to ten men. Substitute Ryan Giggs who'd been making little impact standing close to the touchline near where I'm sitting. Bloke in front of me screams, "Oi, Giggs! Do you want to join in?" A few seconds later, Patrick Vieira misplaces a pass. Giggs picks the ball up, runs half the length of the pitch and smashes the ball past Seaman to score one of the greatest goals ever. I think he did want to join in.
At Rafa's first Chelsea game I read that when Rafa first got off the bench & went to touchline someone shouted "hey Rafa,more bread for table 9"
The most ridiculous thing I've heard at a football game had to be a Spurs mate who, frustrated by Ruel Fox's inability to do anything apart from run around like a headless chicken, stood up and yelled "Fox! Think laterally!" His mates are still taking the piss out of him for this 20 years later.
Newcastle fans away at West Ham(?) late 80's, to two bemused blond cops wearing shades - "When will I, will I be famous?"
My funniest was actually at the cricket, at Lords, in the early 1990s when England were playing the West Indies. There was a bit of a lull in the game and some bloke a few rows back thought it would be hilarious, because everyone in cricket wears the same boring white outfits, to shout "COME ON YOU WHITES!" Everyone turned around in disbelief and you could see the blood draining from his face while his brain caught up with the connotations of what he'd just said. He started desperately apologising to everyone saying he didn't mean it like that. What a doofus.
Frustrated by Arsenal's desire to walk the ball in the net through a defensive block of 11 opponents in their own area, I'd had enough. "IT'S TOO INTRICATE!". It still is at times
Hereford vs Cardiff mid 90s more away fans than home, as they kept coming in heard a shout, 'they're like rabbits, not sheep'
At Maine Road when City were shit. United fans singing, "You never win fuck all, you never win fuck all....". Middle-aged man (City end) clearly a little irate, turns towards the away end and shouts, "That's a fucking double negative, we don't win all the time....pricks." Ever since hearing this story I've been wary of the grammatical content of my chanting.