8 Reasons Buddha's A Fat Smug Bastard

I've had it up to here with Mr Goody-Two-Sandals
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Buddha’s a smug bastard, isn’t he?

Mr. Goody-two-sandals sits there, with the self-satisfied, shit-eating grin that could only belong to someone whose entire life is dedicated to enjoying the schadenfraude of others.

With biblical use of hindsight, Buddha smugly sits and bides his time, waiting for us ‘mere’ humans to screw up (as we inevitably do) and then lets loose some new-age, transcendental bullshit about how if we’d done this, or acted like that, things would’ve turned out differently. More positively.

Well, I for one have positively had it up to here with Buddha, and that’s why I’ve collated these reasons you can take the advice and shove it up his big fat smug arse.

1. We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make our world.

Imagine your mate in the pub coming out with something like that. How much longer do you think he’d be your mate for? Exactly.

2. Drop by drop is the water pot filled. Likewise, the wise man, gathering it little by little, fills himself with good.

See what he’s doing here? The clever use of the word ‘wise’ instantly puts him apart from other people. If you’re a daft cunt, don’t bother listening to what he’s saying.

3. Pain is certain; suffering is optional.

Pain and suffering - the two most common elements of listening to that smug fat bastard.

4. A dog is not considered a good dog because he is a good barker. A man is not considered a good man because he is a good talker.

Utterly priceless from someone who can’t stop talking.

5. Life is suffering.

So why the smug grin, fatty?

6. He is able who thinks he is able.

And now for a party political broadcast on behalf of the Conservative party…

7. You will not be punished for your anger. You will be punished by your anger.

Just reading this drivel makes my blood boil. But you know what? THAT makes me feel human.

8. Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.

…and not forgetting as well the sheer arrogance, pulling-the-wool-over-our-eyes deceptive bullshit he’s been peddling to us for decades.