Debunking Conspiracy Theorists: The Tin Foil Mad Hatters Need to Get a Grip

If you believe the internet, the Illuminati control the world and aliens built the pyramids. Well I think you should all just shut up and take off your tin hats, you idiots!
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Conspiracy theorists are stupid people. That's right, I said it, STUPID PEOPLE! Do you know what really annoys me? Mental conspiracy theorists and their hair brained ideas of what the “truth” is. When trying to give logical reasoning for the real reasons behind their paranoid ideas, I’m usually met with “you're ignorant”, “you're a sheep”, “open your eyes and look at the bigger picture man!”, etc, etc, etc. Conspiracy theorists are by far one of the most ignorant groups of people I have ever had the displeasure to come across. When faced with logical answers that are easily explained, most resort to threats and petty name calling, keeping their heads buried in the sand.

So here is what I believe to be logical “sane” answers to what many people conspiracy theorists are touting as the truth. These are concise answers and by my own admission, are probably not going into enough depth for the crazies, but if you need more "truth" you can read up on these yourself and hopefully see "the other side" of conspiracy madness.

1. 9/11 “The Twin Towers Were Demolished With Bombs” Theory

This is one of many 9/11 theories, but I chose this because of the simple fact so many people believe in it, yet it’s so easily disproved with logic. See the "explosions" at the towers? Well below everything else falling, that’s apparently an explosion from a charge meant to help with the demolition, implicating a bigger conspiracy and a homegrown plot for this horrible event.

OR! It could be gas being pushed through lift shafts from the collapsing floors above, blowing out windows on lower floors. Seriously look at the size of the “explosions”, then compare it to the size of the building, there is more logic in saying it was gravity that pulled down the towers than explosions.

Anyway, moving on.

2. Area 51

This is my all time favourite. It has everything a conspiracy needs: aliens, flying saucers and a lying government. My problem is the aliens part, it’s just too unbelievable that in all these years (Roswell in 1947), nobody has been able to bring any undeniable proof to the table and oust it once and for all. Stories of the U.S government apparently cross breeding humans and aliens; it's all just too sci-fi for me. Don’t get me wrong, I hold the strong belief there is life “out there”. But there is no chance it has arrived in America and is being experimented on by the US Government.

WHAT ABOUT THE UFOs? I hear you scream, well there is undoubtedly UFOs inside Area 51, but they just have nothing to do with aliens. Extraterrestrial craft have never been to this insignificant little blue dot. If they did, we would know about it. The US government have admitted to lying about covert operations in the past, and the UFO stories are just snowballed from those original “lies”, Chinese whispers has turned feeble little sightings into fully blown psychiatric conditions in some cases.

When testing for the U2 spy plane was at its height, so were UFO sightings. But I'm sure to all you free thinkers and truth seekers out there this is just a “coincidence”.


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3. The Pyramids Were Built By Aliens

WRONG! Why would a higher intelligence fly millions of light-years, to build stone pyramids and then leave no definitive and irrefutable evidence they were ever here? It’s just not logical.

“Humans couldn't have done it alone.” Really? There was more than a dedicated workforce working on them, the Pharaohs army of Jewish slaves, with slave drivers whipping them till they couldn't be whipped any more. What about the paintings on the walls of aliens? Well back then people weren't known for their artistic accuracy, were they? If David Hockney painted aliens it could possibly mean he wanted to interpret aliens in his work. Ancient Egyptians couldn't even read! Their alphabet was made up of pictures. So to say because something which has a big head or big eyes and was drawn over 2000 years ago is an alien, well, it’s just plain silly isn't it.

Stop reading into things too much. Imagine if you wrote a letter right now saying you were waiting for the guy from Sky to come fix your dish, and miraculously it was found thousands of years from now, they could read it and think a man literally from the sky was coming to fix your spaceship. A lot of literal and implied meaning can be lost in translation, never mind translating effectively dead languages.

4. The Illuminati / NWO (New World Order)

The people who support this theory are fed some of the most unbelievable drivel and believe it to a point of near Biblical fascination. Take this picture of Eminem, for example.  Basically the ringed areas are “proof” of his involvement, yes, that’s right; he is an Illuminati puppet because he has an eye and hands...

This really is shite of the highest order, but people still lap it up. There is seriously very little reason to believe in a NWO, and most of the “proof” is like this picture. All proof is just coincidences that have been threaded together for a piss poor excuse as to why bad things happen.

Apparently they are behind wars, disease, famine and worst of all, the conspiracy theory holy grail, CHEMTRAILS!

5. Chemtrails

Basically the governments (or NWO if you are that way inclined) are seeding the skies with chemicals. Why? Nobody is really sure. What with? Again, no idea. What proof do we have for this? Well you know sometimes, you see that trail behind a plane in the sky? That’s the proof there...

If you need an in depth explanation of why this is brain food for stupid people, see this insane conspiracy forum post. Take into account the replies this professional got, too, this is what we need to stop. The NWO isn't a problem, but stupid people are, and we need to ditch the dead weight or we will end up with no more advances in society or technology and just become paranoid shut-ins who trust no-one and shoot anything that moves.

If you ever meet someone who believes Princess Diana was assassinated by the Royal family, who are incidentally lizards, just try to talk to them logically, and most of all GOOD LUCK! Because they will put up one hell of a pointless fight.