Well I got to America with $50 in my pocket, a desire to make the world a better place, and a reputation as an international travel journalist to destroy in two weeks.
I've not made it to the Nawlins Obama HQ but I have made it to a 24 hour Irish bar called Flannigans that sells cider and where I've lost my worthless wallet, twice.
But I'm campaigning for Obama, cos I've got my Brummies for Obama t-shirt on and I'm spreading the word to everyone I meet.
I have made it to a 24 hour Irish bar called Flannigans that sells cider and where I've lost my worthless wallet, twice.
'But Dude why do you care about our election......' comes the call from a fella with a Great Dane at the bar with him.
'Well simple', I say, 'I'm English and if we have an insane US President then lots of my countrymen seem to get killed.'
And sometimes that don't work so I say: 'Well the Mrs ain't gonna let me come on holiday is she?'
That gets the laugh and then I explain I'm from Perry Barr in Birmingham, the home of MOTHERFUCKING HEAVY METAL, and I abhor racism, love women and hate homophobia so of course I've left all my responsibilities at home and come to beef my obituary up...
And then I carry on talking about myself and of course about when I was called a nigger-loving baby killer on the campaign trail and if they don't believe me I point them to this.
I was called a nigger-loving baby killer on the campaign trail
'So, are you like sabotaging the times Dude?' they ask and I say 'no, just read it and see.'
So I might have seen the first Irish bar and not left but I'm spreading the word. There are many ways to campaign, it is all about what feels comfortable.
Oh by the way, the barman has a book out called 'They Have You Right Where You Want Us' so check him out on Amazon please cos I've got five free Strongbow on that promise.
English friends say Romney is going to snatch it, I disagree, Romney needs to win Ohio, still can't say it, Florida, Iowa, Colorado and Nevada. I just cant see him doing it, the maths are against him but one monumental gaffe on either side could have massive electoral consequences.
It is impossible to get away from the campaign, pick up a paper, turn on the tv, jump in a cab or listen to strangers chatting and the election will crop up within minutes.
The maths are against him but one monumental gaffe on either side could have massive electoral consequences
Fox News even had a segment with Bill O'Reilly interviewing a puppet about the election, the puppet did not like Obama and thought it was only right that he had to take photo ID with him to vote, but he would because he's a Fox puppet.
New Orleans will vote Obama but Louisiana will go for Romney so after a few days helping here I'm heading down Florida way to get involved in the dirtiest of dirty races. I mean the lawyers are there for a reason because if there are irregularities you can bet that it will be in the Sunshine State.
Today is the day I aim to get my own personalised campaign t-shirts printed - Brummies for Obama, Bad Teethed Limeys for Obama, Taser Victims for Obama, Raving Gays for Obama, Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys for Obama and Drunks Who Can No Longer Talk for Obama.
I suppose I better find somewhere to stay tonight as well.
What could go wrong?
The Obama Count..
Hours at the bar - 17
Hours working for the official campaign - 0
Hours talking about Obama - 5.20
Hours talking about myself - 3.20
Number of times I've called myself 'an international travel journalist' - 10.
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