This was it; The Verdict. Eyes down, look in. Michael Brown vs. The Man. Who would win this dark political game in America’s heartland? A young man was dead. A policeman was still out there, clearly free as Elsa the Lion, seconds before the verdict was announced.
Fuck, this was better than the election. Any election; a nation salivating over the final status of a teenager’s corpse, hoping his murderer would be brought to justice (despite the fact Officer Darren Wilson was clearly frolicking somewhere very free), yet secretly wanting riots and shootings and deaths and lootings and all-out fucking anarchy because we’re all boring cunts who have mortgages and jobs and kids and are basically slaves looking for escape.
At Zero Hour out he came: Robert McCulloch, Prosecuting Attorney for St. Louis County, Missouri. A bloke who sounds suspiciously like Doug Stanhope, though I suspect the powers-that-be were hoping for more of a Clint Eastwood effect...nah, it was Doug Stanhope, in glasses, strangely dyed grey hair and a suit, rendered senseless by the CIA in an MKULTRA funk.
Before the verdict was delivered, I tweeted it from a Reddit source that turned out to be true: NO INDICTMENT. Another reason why you should follow Reddit Conspiracy on Twitter.
At this point, I was hoping for a massive off between the Klan and gang-bangers in arse-hanger jeans and hi-top “sneakers”, waves of black lads lobbing petrol-bomb at retreating freaks in pointy ghost hats, up and down the streets of St. Louis and Ferguson…it would have provided some hysterical relief from the reality we face here in the States, where martial law and false flag attacks are always looming.
As Stanhope began his grating insult, Twitter descended into carnal bloodlust, like a plane undecided whether to aim at JFK or MLK or CNN or Barry Soetoro, while the KKK battles in the cockpit with the Nation of Islam to determine who gets to drive. All the hipsters and rebels were turbo-tweeting their sympathy for anyone with pigment, while I was opening multiple bottles of 9% Double IPA and lining them up on my desk in anticipation of mayhem and tear gas.
It looked bad for the “Brown Family” immediately, as Stanhope started to question “eyewitness” (code for black people) accounts. Stanhope began drilling down hard on “eyewitness” credibility, saying that black people looking at an angelic cop punishing a savage criminal hallucinated an innocent young black man being needlessly shot to death by a cowardly white policeman who was clearly out of his depth. They were all insane. Making it up.
Stanhope went on to hoarsely describe the hours upon hours of witness testimony, including thousands of hours and hundreds of photographs and a lot of grey air claiming the jury are the “only people” who have heard and digested all fourteen billion witness testimonies, a gargantuan feat that took over 1.06 light years.
Could this jury process it? Stanhope described their task as a “Monumental responsibility”…
He said the Grand Jurors “gave up their lives” to do this, even though their term was up in September. Awww, poor luvs, they gave their LIVES. They are the true martyrs in this case, apparently.
The alleged diversity of the grand jury encompassed age, income, retired/working, neighbourhood, occupation, etc. Racial split was nine whites / three blacks, according to someone who knows. There weren’t many, if any, African-Americans in the press seats following Stanhope’s statement either.
The “stealing at the market” incident, in which Brown was described in “red hat, yellow socks, khaki shorts” and grabbing cigarillos without paying, was trotted out. Someone in the store called the police; not the proprietor, someone else.
According to the narrative, Officer Wilson encountered Brown and his companion in the middle of the street. Wilson asked them to move to the side, while noticing the yellow socks. An altercation occurred and two shots were fired from within the vehicle.
Officer Wilson fired 12 rounds.
The thumb shot was the first shot, the top of head was probably the last. I kept expecting McCulloch to take a swig of beer from a bottle, a la his comedic alter, but the mask was tight and the Illuminati pissed from the pyramid’s pinnacle.
They concluded that a perfectly healthy teenager just upped and died for perfectly innocent reasons.
Morbidly, I started to wonder if I was missing any riot footage on other channels. This Stanhope clown faked his opinion on the sad loss of Michael Brown, but said it had opened the dialogue, which I found very difficult to understand what the fuck that even meant.
Stanhope said that Brown came at Officer Wilson “at a full charge”. Officer Wilson stopped shooting when Michael stopped “charging”, but started shooting again when Michael charged again. What a hero.
Ultimately, this cunt needs striking by lightning – black lightning – becoming a frazzled scrap of radioactive bacon on the road to Sodom and Gomorrah. Just my opinion.
At a certain point it became evident that Stanhope had come into his own, having realized there were no petrol bombs, or truly difficult questions, coming his way. He repeated how sad it was, the pain that goes along with that loss, that Michael Brown’s parents must feel, but as tragic as it is, it was not a case where charges should be filed. What a fucking surprise, you dirty shameless psychopathic cunt.
“No police officer should be put in that position,” he told us. What this means is that Michael Brown was to blame for being shot 12 times until he died, and that police should never be challenged in any way whatsoever.
The looting had already started before Stanhope had finished his routine.
CNN and Co. delighted in showing us footage of young black men assaulting a police car, as officers moved in with shotguns cocked, a bizarre intimacy and clarity to the film.
And then the President.
Obama looked deflated, a man drained of all fuel. He almost insisted that he didn’t believe this particular case was one of discrimination, but managed to get it together. Poor demented corrupt bastard. He did play the “I’m black and I’m President” card, to claim anyone causing trouble tonight was using the death of Mike Brown as an excuse, but in Ferguson the streets were billowing with smoke and the noises were ugly. And Barry Soetoro could be excused for weeping in private.
All week they’ve been bringing in the hardballers. Militarized experts bent on making a point. And all along, the mainstream was distracting us with talk of the Ku Klux Klan.
Officer Wilson sent a *gasp* letter, to thank everyone who’d supported him through his nightmare.
Wilson cried at his own inconvenience, as Michael Brown’s parents were devastated by this latest state-sponsored murder of a black man. The dirty fucker even mentioned a fund where people can send money. This echoes other “tragedies” where vile weasels saw the opportunity to make some coin off the emotions of morons.
And that’s it: We leave you with news channels wanking over a car on fire.