Pippa Middleton's Arse Banned From These Future Events

It's one thing working yourself into a frenzy watching P-Middy bending and shimmying on TV, but would you want her turning up at your big day?
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She’s the darling of the moment, hot news property and a shoe-in for Rear of the Year award.  But, after wowing the world with her cheeks and providing the nation with a slightly prettier SuBo overnight success moment, Pippa Middleton might not find herself at the top of every guest list in town. Anyone wanting a media circus at their event might initially be falling over themselves to have Pippa turn up at their bash in a figure hugging outfit -- but have they really thought it through? If they do Pippa Middleton’s big upstaging days could be behind her. Here’s four things you don’t want P-Middy’s posterior turning up to...

The Queen's Funeral

We’d all like to think P-Middz wouldn’t have the gall to turn up at our monarch’s funeral in something cheek-flattering, but then she upstaged her own sisters wedding.  So when it comes to the Midster all bets are off. The Royal Wedding was rumoured to be a dress rehearsal for the Queen’s funeral after all.  Black is of course very flattering so the Royal Family can only hope there’s a good few years to go until the Queen’s eventual demise. Hang on in there Liz. Wait a few years for gravity to take it’s toll and Pippa’s posterior won’t be a threat to your big send off.

The last thing Lord Coe needs is Pippa ‘accidentally’ jogging across the screen in cycling shorts just as he’s about to light the Olympic Flame.

Your Wedding

Why stop at upstaging one wedding? People up and down the land are planning their nuptials as we speak. After Friday’s events none of Pippa’s mates are going to be putting her on the guest list for their weddings any time soon, let alone have her as a bridesmaid. Her only solution may be to resort to wedding crashing. Be vigilant brides-to-be, P-Middy may be ready to pounce in front of the video camera at any moment and ruin your big day.

The Eurovision Song Contest

Events that gather billions of viewers are few and far between. Seeking to re-live that adrenalin fuelled moment when she knew two billion of us were checking out her highly toned buns, Pippa might decide to recreate the experience by rushing the stage at Eurovision later this month. Europe may once again be hypnotised by that sneaky sashay she’d worked on for the big day and vote for Blue under the illusion she’s part of their act. There’s a real danger here we could win the bloody thing and we’d never be rid of the sickening sight of the boys gurning mugs ever again.

The Olympic Opening Ceremony

The London 2012 Olympics are being hyped up as potentially our finest hour in years. The last thing Lord Coe needs is Pippa ‘accidentally’ jogging across the screen in cycling shorts just as he’s about to light the Olympic Flame. Records would be broken of that there’s no doubt, but sadly it would be the YouTube record for most views rather than the 100m sprint that’s at stake.

Stay at home Pippa love. You’ll only end up causing a fuss.

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