Every bride knows theres a possibility of being upstaged at their wedding. Kate Middleton never stood a chance yesterday. Someone was bound to do something to cause a stir. With an audience of two billion people around the world, the timing to do something drastic could not have been better. Posh could have actually sung live for once instead of miming the hymns, Elton could have wheeled in a piano for an impromptu sing along of Candle in the Wind. Visiting dignitaries could have grabbed the opportunity to announce a war - the possibilities were endless. But the upstaging to end all upstaging ended up being an arse. Now I now what you’re thinking, what has Prince Philip been up to now? Did I miss him uttering a mildly racist comment whilst waiting for the bride to make her way to the alter? No, the epitome of sisterly betrayal came in the form of Pippa Middleton’s perfectly formed derriére. Kate’s own sister didn’t have the common decency to wear something slightly unflattering at her own sister’s wedding. Even Princess Anne weighed up all the options and wore something awful. Beatrice and Eugene (granted they’re not known for their style) had the good grace to turn up looking suitably horrendous.
Al Murray tweeted “Bagsy Pippa Middleton”.
Although, when your older sister marries the most eligible bachelor in the land, perhaps you’re entitled to flaunt your best asset before being subjected to years of endless smugness and pitying looks. As soon as she appeared the comments started on Twitter from men (and women) in awe of the sight before them. Al Murray tweeted “Bagsy Pippa Middleton”.
Caitlin Moran asked Davina McCall “As a work-out expert, what do you think her "arse regime" is?” The question of undergarments arose when it was noticed there was a distinct lack of VPL. 24 hours later and Pippa’s gluteus maximus even has it’s own facebook fan page - ‘Pippa Middleton Ass Association Page’ with over 30,000 likes. Awkward. Speaking of awkward, there’s the snappily titled “The awkward moment you became a sex icon at your sisters wedding.” If you want to appreciate Pippa’s moment of glory your options are wide ranging.
So, what next for the ass in question. This is surely to spark at least ten magazine features titled ‘How to get an upstaging arse in six weeks’, perhaps a Middleton butt workout, ‘Bridesmaid Butt Bootcamp - 30 minutes to the perfect backside’. I’d quite like to see Kate submit her ‘true life story’ to Take-A-Break -- ‘How my sisters arse ruined my wedding’. We could all read the feature sympathetically and then have a chance of winning a range of home appliances - everyone’s a winner. Kate would even get 250 quid for her story which would go some way to repairing the damage done. The most lucrative way for Pippa exploit her buttocks though has be to use them to launch a music career -- it certainly helped J-Lo. P-Middy has a certain ‘ring’ to it if she chooses the gangsta rap route.
However she decides to further upstage Kate, fair play to Pippa -- In a room full of pompous arses at least hers got the most positive reception.
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