Rachel Stevens Does The Veggie Hokey Cokey

Rachel Stevens has sold her musical soul in order to promote fruit and veg to kids. A worthy cause if only it didn’t seem so patronising and slightly grubby.
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Everyone loves a good celebrity endorsement, don’t they? Kerry Katona teamed up with Iceland, Frankie Cocozza was (briefly) in the M&S ad and James Dean promoted driving safety. All classic examples perhaps of why celebrities should never be let near a brand or product.

Not put off by the compelling evidence against famous types flogging their wares, Ella’s Kitchen -- another patronising food brand, have signed up ex S Club member, Rachel Stevens to sing some songs about healthy food for kids. Which all sounds great until you hear the tracks.

Dubbed ‘Ella’s Kitchen Tasty Tunes’, no expense seems to have been spared in cramming various fruit and veg names into old nursery rhymes. In the promo video launched this morning Rachel can be seen earnestly crooning away in the studio and waxing lyrical on the benefits of Ella’s Kitchen products.

The five tunes available to download for free via the website include: ‘In the Fruit Bowl, On The Tree’, ‘Veggie Hokey Cokey!’, ‘Fruit & Veg Are Great to Eat!’, ‘Eat to Make you Feel Good’ and ‘Yummy, Yummy, Yum!’. The major downside is you have to become a ‘friend’ of Ella’s Kitchen to get them. Once you’ve made friends with the purveyors of puréed veg peelings, you can read about Rachel’s decision to accept a wedge of money in return for a few minutes in a recording booth. Apparently as a new mum she wants to help “lots of parents sing about fruit and vegetables”.

Rachel is an odd choice for a company looking for a wholesome mumsy type. Whether she was writhing around in a box in her ‘Sweet Dreams My LA Ex’ video or posing for scantily clad photo shoots, she never struck me as a stay at home mum wanting to raise her children on organic butternut squash.

That could explain why I find ‘Yummy, Yummy Yum’ to be borderline filth. Maybe my mind is slightly tainted, but the lyrics “feel the skin of a furry peach” and “feel the squelch as we bite in” brings something other to mind than food consumption. Then there’s the dubious advice in the 'Veggie Hokey Cokey!'. I’m not sure putting the pepper in, putting the pepper out and shaking it all about is the best way to go about eating.

Playing these songs over and over to your kids is just going to end up with the house littered with food, kids going hungry and you searching the dubious end of your Sky+ EPG for filth without really understanding why.

This is all the fault of some beardy research types at Reading University. The beautiful minds came up with the astounding notion that if kids “play with their food using all their senses, they are more likely to eat their greens”. Parents have known this since time began. It’s the reason almost every parent will at some point feed their child by pretending food on a fork is an aeroplane.

I suggest we conduct an experiment of our own. Stick the songs on, leave your child looking at plate of broccoli and document how long it takes for it to grow up into a disenchanted being, sick and tired of being patronised by corporate types re-inventing the wheel.

Altogether now! Oooh - Ooooh they keep us healthy...

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