So…you’re hungover, it’s official. Apparently some baboons and squirrels broke into your room last night and messed up your hair & face and jackhammered your brain. You really can’t recall drinking that much. Anyway sit back, don’t worry - I have the ultimate hangover recipe soundtracked by what I believe to be a soothing and rabble rousing aural journey that’ll get you back on your feet in no time.
Obviously the only way you’re going to get through this is with my special full English (for carnivores and herbivores, take out the meat if you like) and a ‘red snapper’ which is a Bloody Mary but with gin. Let’s assume this is a breakfast for one hungry lush or hopefully two strangers who have become rather familiar during the lustful night...
1) Ingredients: 2 pork & chilli sausages , 2 rashers of streaky bacon, shiitake mushrooms, new potatoes, sourdough bread, cherry tomatoes, olive oil, salt, pepper, spinach, pine nuts, garlic, rosemary, 2 eggs, HP brown sauce, Heinz tomato ketchup, tabasco, truffle oil, Plymouth gin, tomato juice, sherry, horseradish sauce, 1 lemon, bag of ice, coffee, celery stick, chilli flakes.
The soundtrack to getting all these ingredients together: ‘RIDE OF THE VALKYRIES’ by WAGNER (this is to get you going as you’re so hungover it’ll cajole you into a fearful sweat-panic where you attempt to collect all the ingredients as quickly as possible)
2) Make a pot of strong black coffee, you’ll need that kick of caffeine to get your energy up for actually cooking.
Soundtrack: LUST FOR LIFE : IGGY POP
3) Boil up a pan of water and chuck in 3 or 4 new potatoes with their skins on. Par boil them for about 10 minutes then let them cool down in a colander. The coffee’s kicked in so you need something mellow to take you back down a little so you don’t burn, cut or scald yourself.
Soundtrack: I FALL IN LOVE TOO EASILY - CHET BAKER
4) Get a frying pan and drizzle some olive oil on there and throw on the sausages once it’s sizzling on a medium to high heat. After 5 minutes throw in the bacon. When they’re cooked throw them in a pre-heated oven of about 80 Celsius to keep warm. Get another pan and melt some butter. Cut up the new potatoes and throw them on there to be sautéed. After about 6 minutes of flipping them over and over add the garlic and rosemary. Once they’re cooked throw them in the preheated oven.. Use the same pan for your cherry tomatoes and mushrooms. Do the same with them once they’re nice and crisp and browned. Musically you’ll need something upbeat and probably with a nice underlying groove as you’ll be in the swing of things and the smell of the cooking will be making you feel a bit better:
Soundtrack: LOOSE BOOTY - SLY AND THE FAMILY STONE
5) Boil another pan of with about 4 inches of water and put a dash of white wine vinegar in there and a little salt. Once it’s boiling crack in a couple of eggs to be poached. While they’re poaching you might as well save time and steam your spinach over the top with a metal steaming vessel. During this time toast a couple of slices of nice sourdough and butter them and put them on your plate. Depending on how you like the eggs ( I like about 6 minutes) get them out of the water and place on top of the sourdough. A little truffle salt or truffle oil and a nip of tabasco on top is always nice, depending on how middle class you are. Get another little frying pan on a medium heat, throw some pine nuts on there (beware they burn very easily)
Soundtrack: KILLING FLOOR - HOWLING WOLF
6) Take the spinach off and add a little butter and garlic and pine nuts once they’re darkish brown and put them all on the plate. Grab the sausages, bacon, tomatoes, mushrooms & potatoes from the oven and throw them on your plate too, if there’s any space left.
Soundtrack: I FEEL THE EARTH MOVE - CAROLE KING
8) Making the red snapper: One large glass with 6 or 7 ice cubes, two fingers of smooth Plymouth gin, one slice of lemon, a dash of dark sherry, a little bit of horseradish, salt, pepper, a generous drop of tabasco, fill up with tomato juice, shake, stir, stick in the celery. If you’re feeling really fancy you could slather chilli flakes and salt around the rim of the glass.
Soundtrack: MY WAY - FRANK SINATRA
9) Get the plate out of the oven. Try and find some space for your ketchup and brown sauce. Salt, pepper. Sit down. Sigh a little, cry a little, eat and drink until you feel better. Have a glass of water after you’ve finished and another cup of coffee. If you don’t feel better, go back to bed and dream of the days when you used to be normal. Soundtrack: ONE OF THESE THINGS FIRST - NICK DRAKE.
'The Way That I Live' is out now. Check this and over a decade's worth of other great shit at Ed's website