Sex after marriage? Fuhgeddaboudit...
Sex in marriage needs to be fun and making love may, for some, fall by the wayside as our romantic notions are dispelled. Unbridled passion, however, can be maintained in marriage; effort, communication and an ability to create desire encourages the release of happy hormones in the brain and alleviates mental negativity; all necessary components for a happy marriage and a positive sex life. Sex can be just sex - and if you physically appreciate and respect each other, it will nourish your marriage.
Forget date night
Seize the time and place! Sex doesn't need a date, sometimes it doesn’t even need an appropriate place and having sex never needs to be restricted to nighttime. There are perhaps thirty minutes in each day when we can seize our opportunity and these should be embraced!
With the children out playing and me back from an exhilarating run; my husband enters the utility room - as I am bent over loading the washing machine he grabs my ass and my sweat pants are off quicker than you can say ‘foreplay’! He hoists me onto the counter top whispering profanities in my ear and we seize the moment.
Engaging in ‘sexting’ is not just for teenagers or those in the throes of a new relationship
Usually when my name is called its one of the children and I respond ‘I’m coming’ but not now; as the washing machine gets louder so do my groans and I say the same words but for entirely different reasons.
Sexting and Masturbation
Engaging in ‘sexting’ is not just for teenagers or those in the throes of a new relationship. Boring day-to-day texts can be replaced or mixed with ‘I’m touching myself thinking about what I’d like you to do to me later’ or ‘coming home for lunch today? Do you fancy having me on all fours?’ and is usually followed up by a text encourage him to drive safely!
Sexting is something I indulge my husband with at least three times a week; it is exciting to send and receive and easy to do to keep sexual desire alive. Try it, neither of you will regret it!
Hectic lifestyles can restrict our ability to wander around having sex with our partners at will, setting aside time to have sex may seem unromantic or too structured but it works. Just knowing the children are on play-dates on a Saturday afternoon means a free house, so make the most of it!
Your partner arrives home suggesting that they have you for dinner and you would rather he starved to death slowly
The spouse can drop off the kids then return to a waiting partner dressed in basque or best boxers for their own play-date. I love the excitement of this, whilst later going to collect the children wearing a twin set and pearls, knowing my husband is at home whistling in the shower is hugely satisfying. Afternoon weekend sex can be exciting and refreshing and should Saturday night sex also happen then that is what I like to call a bonus!
Not in the mood? Then change your mood
It happens to all of us at some point, a head full of work, family and domesticity can affect our sex drive. Your partner arrives home suggesting that they have you for dinner and you would rather he starved to death slowly. So you play the game strategically, you tell them that if they takes over the drudgery of the remaining evening chores and bedtime procedures, allowing you some space and time you will seriously consider their proposal.
So you communicate your wants and needs and achieve some space to clear your head. You call your friends for a chat, go online for frivolous entertainment and take a bath. You can request a glass of chilled wine and appreciate the effort he has made for you and reciprocate later by handing them your underthings as they watch the evening news and suggesting they come take the rest off for you.
I like to issue what I fondly call ‘sex cheques’, an IOU of sorts for those times when I’m really not in the mood
Letting ourselves go and not letting ourselves go
Keeping fit and physically attractive is important to our own self image and to our partner’s image of us. Yes, they have promised to love us ‘til death us do part’ but looking after ourselves both physically and mentally helps to sustain a physical attraction.
Complacency is often the downfall of many marriages and we need to make an effort to maintain our physical attractiveness to our partner. When we are having sex its best that we not dwell on what’s for dinner or if the ceiling needs to be painted; we need to be in the moment! We wouldn't take our eyes off the road when driving, concentrating will result in better sex; trust me it works!
Sex cheques and time constraints
I like to issue what I fondly call ‘sex cheques’, an IOU of sorts for those times when I’m really not in the mood and work deadlines or other responsibilities can dampen the best intentions in the world. So if you aren’t up to task, make a promise to your partner of when you will be and maybe tease with a little how and where too!
Time constraints need not limit sex. You can go down on your partner when they’re bent over the sink, brushing their teeth. It’s revitalising, and creates a real frisson of sexual electricity. Ultimately, sex is one of the best ways that you and your spouse can make each other feel wanted and needed. Desire and domesticity aren’t mutually exclusive.
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