Tinder Passport is simple: it allows you to virtually locate yourself in any destination and utilise the regular distance filter from there. I’m in Barcelona next week? Great! I’ll fly there with my Tinder Passport right now, start chatting away, and all of a sudden I have over a week to woo my future wife-for-a-night. Never again will I be told pompously “I can’t tonight, I’m performing brain surgery in the morning”, nobody will ever excuse themselves with a closed minded “but you’re a total stranger and in one of your pictures you’re holding an axe”, and it will eradicate any of this pathetic “it was my grandmother’s funeral today so I’m not really in the mood” type stuff. We’re going to make a date, we’re going to stick to it and we’re going to re-enact Before Sunrise. Think about how much sooner we’d have had Before Sunset if they’d have had Tinder Passport.
Conversations like the one above are plentiful when on the road and looking for company of any nature. When travelling, one often cannot help but take on a romanticised mindset – thanks a lot, Owen Wilson. One becomes slightly unreasonable. You have work in the morning? But I don’t! You have plans because you have friends and a regular social life? But I don’t! You won’t invite me back because you’ll be the one still here the next morning having to tidy up the mess we made? But I won’t! I’ll be long gone, with one more story and one less condom.
I must clarify that this will revolutionise not just your chances of a whirlwind 24 hour romance, but also of meeting local people and enhancing our overall travelling experience (yes, it’s possible to meet people abroad and not want to sleep with them. So I’m told). Tinder Passport will enable a guide-style of rendez-vous to happen regardless of time scale, which can only add to our holiday enjoyment. A tour guide for the night, a bar hopping companion, a dance partner – someone to introduce us to the local side of life.
A quick disclaimer that these new horizons are available and encouraged for any gender and any sexual preference, and all that remains to be done is for you to swipe right. It does cost money, but just purchase the feature for the relevant occasions in which you need it.
Of course, before all of this came along there was that frankly old-fashioned notion of meeting people in person, but that requires social skills and courage – out-dated concepts indeed. Tinder cuts out the time-consuming middle man of going out in a foreign land and failing to utilise broken language skills to try and copulate wildly – but if you don’t have a smart phone, I guess you can still resort to this. Just don’t be surprised if the person at the bar that you’re attempting to charm is only talking to you whilst they wait for their Tinder date to arrive.