10 of the Funniest Family Guy Quotes

As Season 9 of Family Guy hits DVD, we look at some of the best – and near the knuckle– lines delivered during each season.
Publish date:
Updated on

#112500813 / gettyimages.com

There was a time when people dismissed Family Guy as nothing more than a rip-off of The Simpsons. Obese and stupid Dad? Precocious child with a problem with authority? All present and correct. Good job the characters weren’t yellow otherwise Matt Groening and the lawyers would be having a conniption fit. Yet, from the very first moment it was broadcast, Family Guy showed that – in many ways – it had more edge than its Springfield set counterpart. Bart Simpson is proud of underachieving. Stewie Griffin is proud of wanting to kill his mother. Unafraid of the political, the cruel and the scatological the show has had many moments when you can’t help think “I can’t believe they just did that,”

Peter: Oh my god, Brian, there's a message in my Alphabits. It says, 'Oooooo.'

Brian: Peter, those are Cheerios.

(Season 1: ‘The Son Also Draws’)

Lois: Peter tell Chris that women are not objects!

Peter: Your mother's right Chris, listen to what it says.

Season 2:  ‘Running Mates’

Stewie: “We're playing house...”

Lois: “But that kid is all tied up!”

Stewie: “Roman Polanski's house.”

Season 3: ‘The Kiss Seen Around The World’

Peter: So uhh, Mr. Pewterschmidt, the big race is tomorrow eh? Bet you're gonna need some strapping men to help you with your boat.

Mr. Pewterschmidt: Are you calling me gay?

Peter: No. No. I just; I just thought you might want some extra seamen on your poopdeck.

Season 4: ‘Model Misbehaviour’

Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?
Diane Simmons (sighs): Ghostbusters, Tom.
Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said

Season 5: ‘Petergeist’

Francis: There's no cross in here. Every kitchen needs a crucifix.
Stewie: Oh yes, nothing says eat up like a bleeding, half-naked Jew nailed to a piece of wood.

Season 5: ‘The Father, The Son and the Holy Fonz’

Tom Tucker: Coming up, a New Orleans man says his socks are finally dry.

Season 6, ‘Chick Cancer’

Presenter: And the Grammy, for biggest posse goes to...Ja Rule!
Madonna: What!?
Presenter: No Madonna, posse, posse.
Madonna: Oh.

Season 6: ‘Saving Private Brian’

Peter: 9/11 changed everything!
Brian: Peter, you didn't even know what 9/11 was until 2004.

Season 7: ‘Padre Da Familia

Stewie: Who's that rather attractive woman on a camel?

Brian: That's Peter O'Toole.

Peter: You movie buffs might likes this, both of his names are slang for penis.

Season 8: ‘Big Man on Hippocampus’

Carnie: Step right up, step right up! You won't believe your eyes. Step right up and see the amazing half man, half clam.

Peter: What a ripoff, it's just Kim Cattrall sitting Indian style

Season 9: ‘The Road to the Multiverse’

Chris (as Luke Skywalker): You don't believe in the force, do you?

Peter (as Han Solo): Oh, you mean that thing you just learned about three hours ago, and am now judging me for not believing in?

(Blue Harvest)

Peter (as Han Solo): We’re going to visit Lando Calrissian. The only black guy in the universe.

Something, Something Dark Side

Family Guy Season 9 – alongside seasons 1-8 – are available on DVD from Twentieth Century Fox Home Entertainment

Click here for more stories about TV & Film

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Twitter

Click here to follow Sabotage Times on Facebook