5 Actors Who Should Never Be Allowed To Act Again

From the maniacal Nic Cage to the turkey-stuffing Eddie Murphy, this lot should have their careers terminated for everyone's sake...
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Eddie Murphy

Like a knackered old plane with no guidance system, Murphy's career has been careering out of control for the last twenty years. The kind thing to do would be to sail it into a mountain and give us all a break. Having shown a brief glimpse of how good he can be with his performance in Dreamgirls, he followed it up with Norbit, thus ruining any chance he might have had of receiving an Oscar nod. Murphy has more turkeys to his name than Bernard Matthews and holds the unfortunate record for the biggest flop ever made in Pluto Nash, a film that cost $100 million to make and only took $4 million at the box office - a turkey so big you could stuff it with Berkshire.

Halle Berry

After winning an Oscar, Halle Berry seems to have been on a one woman mission to ruin cinema. She first started with ruining Bond, then decided to fuck up Catwoman and then completed the trilogy by insisting that her part - a jumped up weather girl - in X:Men 3 was bigger than originally written, thereby ensuring the film would be ten times shitter than it should have been. She was also the worst thing in Swordfish, which is like being the worst part of a dog shit.

His appearance is becoming more and more disturbing and in the recent Expendables film he actually began to resemble the ball bag of an aquatic mammal

Sylvester Stallone

It is unclear as to what is more ridiculous about Stallone: The fact that he is still serving himself up as a credible action star when he is 65 years old, or that he looks not unlike a Portuguese fisherman's arm while he does it. His appearance is becoming more and more disturbing and in the recent Expendables film he actually began to resemble the ball bag of an aquatic mammal, which is probably what he is injecting himself with in order to feel young. Good news is Expendables 2 is on the way, so we look forward to guessing which animal's genitals Sly will take on the guise of this time.

John Travolta

It surely must be time for Travolta to give up the ghost now. Which each film he is gradually becoming more of a joke and less of a credible film star. Tarantino saved him from the scrap heap (appearing solely in films about babies and dogs with humorous inner monologues) and gave him another shot at fame. Travolta then went on to make Battlefield Earth, Old Dogs and Wild Hogs. There would have been less shame if he had gone the way of David Carradine and wanked himself to death. He has his own airport at his house though and can still dance (as seen at last year's World Cup) so he must be doing something right.

Nicolas Cage

Cage used to be interesting to watch and had a unique screen presence. These days he is more like a be-wigged whirlwind of odd. He turns up once, or sometimes twice, a year, grinning, gurning and generally shouting his way through films, seemingly with no command of subtlety. An interesting game is to look back on some of Cage's early performances and imagine him doing them now. Somehow Leaving Las Vegas wouldn't quite have the same moving quality with Cage shouting at Elizabeth Shue and beaming a shit-eating grin for the majority of the film. In fact Cage is so far removed from what acting is and should be that the Academy should create a new category for him, "The Nicolas Cage Award for being a bell-end in a film".

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