8 Truths You Might Not Like About Star Wars

Forget the hype. Let's talk about facts.
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1) There is only one film called Star Wars. It came out in 1977 and was a super fun throwback to Flash Gordon type serials. Hence the opening crawl with the "Episode IV" heading. The idea was this was one isolated episode of a saga you hadn't seen the rest of. It was playful and meta.

2) In keeping with fact 1) above, there is no film called 'A New Hope". No one in 1977 was queueing to see A New Hope. There was no A New Hope merchandise. In fact, A New Hope is a terrible title for a space / action flick. Anything called A New Hope in 1977 would have starred Sally Field and been about a courageous single mom moving to a coastal town in New England.

3) Anyone who refers to Star Wars as A New Hope has bought into Lucas' "I always meant it to be three trilogies" nonsense and is not to be trusted.

4) Star Wars is a complete film. They blow up the Death Star and get medals. The End.

5) The Empire Strikes Back is not the best Star Wars film. (The best Star Wars film came out in 1977 and is called Star Wars. See above.) Empire has lots of fun moments, but gets a major points deduction for not being an actual complete film. It's the beginning of the awful trend towards releasing franchise films in bloated installments. (LOTR, Deathly Hallows, Mockingjay). There are no great films that are not complete in themselves.

(Also, Yoda sounds too much like Miss Piggy / Fozzie Bear to be taken seriously. This is understandable given that it's Frank Oz, but still...)

6) Darth Vader being Luke's father is a great twist. For a soap. But it kind of ruins everything for Star Wars. It's no longer a fun fantasy about an every-kid hero who goes on an adventure. It becomes a family saga about very special individuals who awkwardly make out with their siblings on occasion.

7) The Force Awakens is what happens when you make a movie out of your favourite bits from Star Wars. There's nothing new, but it's preferable to the prequels which is what happens when you make a movie out of the bits from Star Wars no one much cared for.

8) Moff Tarkin is underrated.

Here endeth my Star Wars facts.