Glee Season Three? Spare Me

So, a new season of Glee has just begun but I for one am not going to be weeping with joy into my Liza Minelli duvet over it (that's the sort of thing people who watch Glee own).
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Yes Glee is for losers

Even the name is ironic, I don’t feel Glee when I watch it, I feel like I want to stab my own eyes out just so I don’t have to.  When it first came out I’ll admit it, I tried, I jumped on that bandwagon quicker than you can say showtune and I truly thought I would be riding on it all the way until the end. After the first episode I was disappointed, the characters lacked lustre, the story line was a rehash of every Disney musical that had come out over the last ten years and quite frankly I just couldn’t be arsed. I thought I wouldn’t be alone, I thought surely someone else must have seen it for the wanky bollocks it is, but no, apparently not.

See that’s the thing, it’s not just the programme that gets me, it’s the people who wax lyrical about it. Jumped up 43 year olds with too much time on their hands watching a tv show designed to entice less than intelligent 18 year olds. What is wrong with you people? The much hyped Madonna episode which saw Sue Sylvester played by the aging Jane Lynch re-enact “Vogue” in such a manner that it made me cringe so much I thought my hair might fall out was possibly one of the worst viewing moments in the history of the world. It’s bad enough having to watch an increasingly stringy looking ex Mrs.Ritchie dance around in next to nothing without having some other old bird have a go at imitating her. If that was my mother I’d have her put in a care home, or alternatively, shot.

Why are the characters so god damn ugly?

It’s like a poor mans High School Musical but at least that wonderful film was only loved by 8-15 year olds and the occasional delusional 20 something (me) with a crush on Zac Efron. Somehow, as well, it’s even more unrealistic. I mean when was the last time you had a row with your boyfriend/girlfriend/mother/dog and then burst into song? Moped around listening to Kings of Leon on repeat, perhaps, maybe even humming along with some interjected swearing/smashing of small inanimate objects, but you don’t actually get up on a chair and launch into verse. It’s like alright, I get it, you like singing, you want to win that shitty competition and stuff, be crowned the singing singers of America or what ever it is but you don’t need to do it all the time. It’s a wonder they bother having any dialogue at all, in fact if they had just made it all singing it may have been slightly more entertaining, probably wouldn’t, but it could have been.

Another point (can you feel the venom building), why are the characters so god damn ugly? Did the producers not realise the thing we love the most about American television shows are the 27 year olds masquerading as teenagers polished to within an inch of their lives dressed in clothes that, in reality, they wouldn’t even be able to afford to look at. Take 90210 for example, now those guys clearly knew what they were doing, who cares if what’s coming out of their mouths is complete and utter tedious tripe, they’re beautiful, it doesn’t matter. Ugly does not have a place on my television set. I’ve even noticed websites sporting “Which Glee character would you date?” type polls, um, are you blind? None of them, of course. If they don’t look like they’ve been beaten around the face with a baseball bat they look like they fell out of the hideous tree hitting every single branch on the way down.

Words can not describe the sense of relief I feel that this show is all but over, no longer will I look at twitter and see Glee as a trending topic, no longer will I have to endure terrible versions of what were originally totally acceptable songs forced upon me but some grinning buffoons “Don’t Stop Believing”? More like do stop believing in the intelligence of the human race if this is the kind of utter rubbish we now ‘enjoy’. So, good riddance Glee, you won’t be missed (not by me anyway).

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