Come and Get Me San Marino

He might be known for making you giggle while flogging smoothies and cider, but West Country boy Mark Watson might be about to throw in the towel if the big guns at the San Marino FA get on the blower.
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“If the San Marino job comes up I’m obviously gonna be interested, it’s not a job you take lightly!”

Mark Watson is thinking about a career change. Despite being everybody’s favourite faux-Welsh smoothie plugging, cider-glugging, Mock the Week-ing comedian, the Bristolian is tempted to walk away from it all in the name of football.

And why wouldn’t he? Watson’s clearly sick with jealousy at his brother Paul, who has nailed a job in the big time – managing Micronesia, the worst ranked team on the planet. Who wouldn’t be jealous of that? I hear Micronesia is er, lovely this time of the year (before you ask, no we didn’t make that country up, and no, we don’t have a clue where it is either).

But until Mark gets that fateful call from the San Marino FA, he might as well keep busy with that comedy lark. He’ll be popping up on ITV4 somewhere for a not-at-all dissimilar to A League of Their Own panel show, and he’s also touring his latest stand up show. Still, he can dream…

Mark, as well as being one of our Saboteurs, your brother Paul is the manager of the worst football team in the world. What’s that all about?

Yeah Micronesia, well Pohnpei and Micronesia. Under him they soon won’t be the worst team in the world, but that’s what happened yeah. He went looking for an international team that he could take over, and he’s now an international football coach. It does sound like a joke but it’s absolutely true and he’s writing a book about it.

How does something like that even happen?

Purely based on the fact that he’s from England he’s able to administer that he’s some sort of footballing guru. He’s a good player my brother, he’s done some coaching, but even so it was a mixture of blagging and charm in order to get this job. Now he’s got the task of moulding an international team.

“If the San Marino job comes up I’m obviously gonna be interested, it’s not a job you take lightly!”

Did he list his skills as ‘pretty good on Football Manager’ on his CV?

Oh yeah he’s done some good stuff on Football Manager, certainly collected trophies, but so have a lot of people. Apart from that it was purely a CV of just knowing about football, he’s doing personal training and stuff, he’s got an exhaustive knowledge of the game, but even so it’s fair to say he hasn’t got of experience managing at the top level in this country. But that will all change hopefully when he’s taken Micronesia to World Cup glory.

Speaking of football, you’re a loyal Bristol City fan – how do you feel about Steve Coppell? He was hailed as ‘Coppello’ [a nod to Fabio] when he came in, but he didn’t stick around long did he?

Yeah I’m pretty upset by the way Coppell behaved. I think that if his heart wasn’t in it and he didn’t want to do it for whatever reason then that’s fair enough, there could be all sorts of reasons. It’s just a shame he went through the whole summer and then suddenly decided that. If I saw him now I’d have a hard time being civil to him, and I’m a very polite man usually.

Your new show is a sports panel show. Is it basically A League of Their Own with a less annoying James Corden?

(laughs) Well… you said that, not me.

A Question of Sport with a less masculine Sue Barker?

Yes, yes… exactly. Both of those things, yeah. I can see it as sort of A Question of, League of Their Own… Sport. Basically. So yeah if you don’t like James Corden or Sue Barker, I’m the host for you.

You’re also on tour, if we don’t get round to seeing it, what’s the punchline from your best joke?

Oh alright… erm, I can’t remember any of it. Ok, just the word ‘lime’, as in the fruit. LIME! Just imagine how funny that is when you have all the rest of it.

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