A Tribute To The Fucking Ace Swearing Of Curb's Susie Greene
Susie Greene is a champion cusser, a profanity professional. She makes Gordon Ramsay look like an Osmond brother. Whoever said that swearing wasn’t big or clever was way off the mark as Mrs G proves it’s both. But this isn’t gratuitous filth or casual colourful language – it’s funny, it’s necessary and it works.
The character of 'Curb Your Enthusiasm’s Susie Greene is played by Jewish New Yorker, Susie Essman.
To those of you not familiar with the wonder that is ‘Curb’, she plays the wife of Jeff Greene, the manager of Larry David (the main character), the eff to her husband’s Jeff you might say. Also, where the fuck have you been?
‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ has been running for eight series since its inception in 2000, beginning with a one-hour special and since completing 80 episodes. The majority of the dialogue is improvised around a detailed outline and filmed using handheld cameras. Remarkably, given her subsequent foul-mouthed outpourings, Essman was initially reluctant to use such language. The show’s creator, Larry David, told her smilingly to call her husband, ‘a fat fuck’: "tell him", he said, "he won’t mind". He didn’t, she did and bingo, Susie gets a trademark.
Susie Greene doesn’t appear in all the episodes - barely featuring at all in Season Two. Indeed, some of her appearances yield nothing in the way of obscenities. But when an episode calls for a ‘fat/sick/bald fuck’, then Susie’s your girl. The usual target for her vitriol is Larry or Geoff as they stand before her like naughty schoolboys feeling the full force of her wrath. However, the finest of all Susie moments comes when Larry’s wife, Cheryl, gets the full tongue lashing treatment when a mix up causes her to declare in front of a full restaurant:
‘Fuck you, you car-wash cunt. I had a dental appointment!’
Not only was this a hilarious, genuinely jaw-dropping TV moment but it was made more outrageous by it being a woman uttering the unutterable. No matter how many times I have viewed this scene it loses none of its punch and ‘that word’ still shocks. So, if you’ve still not enjoyed the full ‘Curb’ experience, buy the DVDs now, if only to let Susie Greene fill your living room with her full sweary ranting repertoire.
You fat fucks.
Here follows a list of Susie's profanities, throughout the series/seasons:
SERIES 1
Episode 1 – The Pants Test
No swearing, no notable lines.
Episode 6 – The Wire
Shit – 2
Fucking – 4
Arsehole – 2
Pissed – 2
Fuck – 4
Fuckface – 1
Motherfucker – 1
Motherfucking – 1
Cocksucker – 1
"I tell you Jeff, you’re a cocksucker motherfucker!"
Episode 8 – Beloved Aunt
Cunt – 1
Cheryl’s aunt dies, Jeff submits obituary to paper which they print as ‘beloved cunt’
"When I die let someone else handle the obituary"
SERIES 2
Episode 2 – Thor
Fuck – 2
Shit – 2
No notable lines
Episode 7 – The Doll
Fuck – 3
Fucking - 3
Shit – 2
(Plus 1 mouthed ‘fucking’ and 1 mouthed ‘fuck’)
"You four-eyed fuck and you fat piece of shit – GET ME THE HEAD!!!"
SERIES 3
Episode 2 – The Benadryl Brownie
No swearing, no notable lines.
Episode 4 – The Nanny From Hell
Fuck – 1
No notable lines.
Episode 7 – The Corpse Sniffing Dog
Fuck – 3
Fucking – 4
Fucked – 1
Fucko – 1
Asshole – 1
"You sick fuck Larry David. What the fuck do you think you’re doing getting my kid drunk? She’s slurring her words. She’s bumping into things. She stinks like a fucking wino!"
"Do I look like a fucking idiot that I’m gonna believe you? You got her drunk and you stole the fucking dog alright?!"
"You sick fucko asshole. Get me the fucking dog!"
Episode 8 – Krazee-Eyez Killa
Fuck – 3
Fucking – 1
"Freak of fucking nature doesn’t want a house tour!"
Episode 9 – Mary, Joseph and Larry
Fuck - 2
Assholes – 1
Shit – 1
"Wait till I get my hands on that goddam Larry David, the four-eyed fuck, I’ll kill him!"
Episode 10 – The Grand Opening
Fuck – 1
Cunt – 1
"Fuck you, you car-wash cunt, I had a dental appointment!"
SERIES 4
Episode 2 – Ben’s Birthday Party
Fuck – 3
Fucking – 1
(Plus 1 mouthed ‘fucking asshole’)
Larry: "Not quite my cup of tea."
Susie: "Y’know what, fuck you and fuck your tea!"
Episode 3 – The Blind Date
Fuck – 1
"You sick four-eyed pervert fuck!"
Episode 4 – The Weatherman
Fuck – 1
No notable lines
Episode 5 – The 5 Wood
Fucking – 7
Fuck – 1
Bullshit – 1
Shit – 1
"This one would stick out like a sore fucking thumb, this Jew-face over here!"
Episode 8 – Wandering Bear
Fucking – 1
Fuck – 1
"Y’know what Wandering Elk, whatever the fuck your name is, you were paid already ok?"
Episode 9 – The Survivor
No swearing, no notable lines.
More...
SERIES 5
Episode 1 – The Larry David Sandwich
Fuck – 1
No notable lines
Episode 2 – The Bowtie
No swearing, no notable lines
Episode 3 – The Christ Nail
Fuck – 3
Fucking – 1
"Pervert, you sick fuck pervert!"
Episode 5 – Lewis Needs A Kidney
Fuck – 1
Fucking – 1
"He needs his kidney number one. Number two, he’s a fat fuck, he can’t even survive the surgery."
Episode 7 – The Seder
Shit – 1
No notable lines
Episode 8 – The Ski Lift
Fuck – 3
Shit – 1
"Get the fuck out of bed!"
Episode 9 – The Korean Bookie
Fuck – 3
"Jeff is a fat fuck, Oscar’s just big boned."
Episode 10 – The End
No swearing, no notable lines.
SERIES 6
Episode 1 – Meet The Blacks
No swearing, no notable lines.
Episode 2 – The Anonymous Donor
Bullshit – 2
Fuck – 9
Fucking – 2
Susie: "You what? You jerked off in their house?"
Jeff: "Yeah."
Susie: "Oh that is sick. You have brought your semen outside our home Jeff?"
Jeff: "Yeah."
Susie: "That’s adultery. That’s cheating on me. You masturbate in this house and this house alone, maybe a hotel, not a friend’s house."
Episode 3 – The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial
Fucking – 2
"This is fucking great Larry, now Sammy’s kicked out too. Just knowing you is a liability."
Episode 4 – The Lefty Call
Fucking – 1
Fuck – 1
Motherfucker – 1
Asshole – 1
Shit – 5
Shitting – 3
"You go Larry, you go tell him that you were shitting all over yourself all day, shitting in your pants. You can’t make it to the toilet, you got shit running down your leg."
Episode 5 – The Freak Book
Bullshit – 1
No notable lines
Episode 7 – The TiVo Guy
No swearing, no notable lines.
Episode 8 – The N Word
Fucking - 1
Shit – 1
"You traumatised the doctor. He described you - he said bald, glasses. You said some racial slur and you traumatised the doctor and he came in all flummoxed and shaved his fucking head!"
Episode 9 – The Therapists
No swearing, no notable lines.
Episode 10 – The Bat Mitzvah
Fuck – 1
Motherfucker – 1
Bullshit – 1
Asshole – 1
"Fuck you Larry, bullshit motherfucker. You are such a bald asshole!"
Well, you get the idea. There are two further seasons worth of glorious profanity available on DVD now. I strongly advise that you seek them out.
