I hate adverts.
I mean, not all of them. I kind of work in advertising so if I hated every single advert then I guess I’d also have to hate myself. Which I do. So, fine.
There’s a specific set of adverts, however, that I particularly hate at the moment. The ones for WKD. These, I think, represent everything despicable about humanity. They all end with the same line, “Have you got a WKD side?” which, in ordinary English, roughly translates as “Are you a cunt?”
The basic formula is the same for each ad: (hang on – I just need to reload my supply of inverted commas.) A group of ‘brilliant lads’ do a ‘funny prank’ or some ‘hilarious banter’. They then have a ‘great laugh’ about it in the pub later on while drinking identical orange alcopops and, presumably, talking about how Raoul Moat is a total legend.
The advert then asks you “have you got a WKD side?” i.e. are you as hilarious as this group of Stephen Fry types? If so, you’re officially qualified to drink bottles of vodka-laced orange fizzy piss.
Here’s an example:
That jangly music at the end plays constantly inside the heads of psychopaths.
If you ask me, the premise of these ads is fundamentally flawed as it’s highly unlikely a group of 20-something blokes on a night out would be prepared to drink anything other than continental lager. As anyone who’s ever actually been in a pub will tell you, drinks like WKD are mainly the preserve of underage drinkers and slags.
Also, have you ever actually tried one? The blue one tastes like it’s come from the diseased liver of a character in Avatar.
Anyway, as the basic formula seems to be pretty straightforward, I thought I’d have a go at my own. (Apologies for the quality of the drawings. It’s not really one of my strengths..)
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