5 Directors Who Should Never Be Allowed To Direct Again

The top five film makers that should back away from the directors chair and retire the clapperboard.
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There are some amazing film makers working today, with each release as hotly anticipated as the last. There are also a handful of film makers who shouldn't even be allowed in a cinema any more.

5. Woody Allen

While there is no doubt that the man has an excellent career behind him, it can also be argued that it is well and truly behind him. In front of him lies bad, pointless and meandering films about dysfunctional relationships just waiting to be made. Sitting through a modern Woody Allen film is like watching a jigsaw puzzle contest while having your head shaved by Steve Davis on horse tranquillisers.

4. Brett Ratner

The number one no-mark in Hollywood. The go to man for all things shallow, unremarkable and unmemorable. He managed to turn X Men into a nightmare of biblical proportions and actually enjoys working with Chris Tucker. This alone is enough to entitle him to be ostracised from Hollywood with immediate effect and sent to Belgium to make comedies about men who can't go to the toilet properly and are most probably called "Monsieur Poo-Poo". He has been sniffing around Beverley Hills Cop 4 - so you have a further tepid installant of Axel Foley to look forward to if he gets his hairy ape hands on it.

3. McG

The name alone suggests that he should be spoken to, never mind his turgid output. The Charlie's Angels films and Terminator : Salvation are enough to prove that his camera should be smashed with hammers. Anyone who can take the Terminator franchise and make it so boring and unmemorable deserves to be sent away for a long time. His real name is Joseph McGinty Nichol by the way, remember that when you see him at Jobseekers.


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2. Paul W.S Anderson

It is quite frankly amazing to think that a man with a CV full of such massive turkeys is still being given money to make films. In case you are not aware, Anderson is responsible (a word underlined in thick marker pen and excrement) for such classics as Event Horizon, Resident Evil, Soldier, Aliens vs Predator, Death Race, Resident Evil : Afterlife and Mortal Kombat. The filmic equivalent of someone constantly shitting on the floor and not being taken to a toilet. While he scores points for being married to Milla Jovovich, he is still a terrible film maker. His next work will a new Three Musketeers film - betting has been suspended on it being a load of old shit.

1. George Lucas

After presiding over the slow and painful death of all that was ever good and pure about Star Wars, George Lucas should be sent to a dark room and left to think about what he has done. Not only has he made Star Wars hold about as much credence these days as the Teletubbies, he has also never been able to leave well enough alone. He constantly creeps into the room to tamper with the only good films he ever made. Not happy with adding unnecessary aliens, objects or scenery, he now seems transfixed with endlessly re-releasing them and lining his lardy pockets so he can keep himself in Twinkies, Tootsie Rolls and Butterfingers. He is also saving up for a new neck. The prequel trilogy (the filmic equivalent of nailing a gas bill to a dead unicorn) will forever be associated with him, which makes him akin to being a very busy serial killer.