A recent Friday night out offered me a glimpse at how my life would have turned out I still listened to Echo and the Bunnymen, kept wearing red wool in my hair and still drew future tattoos (which mainly consisted of various objects in cages: Roses in cages, Severed hands in cages, creepy hamsters in cages, etc). I was a bit of a goth when I was at school. On school photo day I had black hair and there was a bow adorning my head with some kind of comic book character on it I wore blood red eyeliner and it looked like I was dying. All that to me now, sounds just, terrible. I have since destroyed all evidence, large and passport sized of the offending school photo.
But on Friday night I reconnected with my inner goth girl for a fetish Antichrist night called 'Night Of The Vampires'. With a fetish dresscode, my friend J was worried she’d have nothing to wear. Come Friday night on the way however and out of a bag she pulls one well used, completely ripped latex mask and one gas mask which she "kept from a school art project" or something equally as transparent. Maybe she was telling the truth... then again when I saw her in the club... DUCK TO WATER.
First thing to catch my eye? The 'No wanking' signs. I had never seen a no wanking sign before. It's a pretty sad sign but it’s ok, 'cause there were plenty of other rooms which didn't agree with this sign one little bit. I couldn't really see anyone just getting it out on the dancefloor and start going for it. There was a lot of flesh on show but I never once thought it was a sexy atmosphere. Apart from all the underwear on show it felt like any other club.
I was expecting the night to have over the top costumes all over the place, with every corner having terrifying like a really bad acid trip, but instead we ran into a really nice looking couple whose day jobs was working for Boots. We admitted it was our first time at a fetish night (well for me, the jury's still out about J) and they told us that they love the Antichrist nights and we had chosen the best place to be beginners. They told us they were swingers and straight after this comment J whips out her phone and shows them both a photo of me in underwear. All of a sudden I was a fetish night beginner, stood with some swingers, who had seen me half naked. If I had more booze inside me, and the man wasn't wearing a corduroy trilby, (my most hated accessory) then there could have been a magical moment right there, but not just yet I think...
After a little walk around, J and I then entered a room with lots of sex chairs with chains. People laid naked while their partner, or just a stranger, whips them while they are strapped in. My focus was on a girl laying on a bench on her front with her hands strapped next to her head while a man behind her teases her by slowly stroking her naked back, then stops, spanks her bum, then fingers her. He repeats this but never lets her know when he's gonna spank her. It's good to watch her reaction. Her face goes from pleasure, to fear, to pain, to pleasure again, and I remember just how much fun that is!
J got approached in the toilets by someone who was telling her that her mask was a good one, but there was a different model which would be better because it has straws going through it for drinking or some shit, she's not sure what he was on about. Apparently J wasn’t the expert I had her pegged down as... but I'm still not convinced. I still find it was worrying how much she seemed to like her disguise.
Surprisingly, I only saw one guy dressed like a vampire, a chap called Dan. He had those white contact lenses in, fangs and a cape. "Can I see your foot?" He asked. I felt really strange getting my foot out for some guy dressed as a vampire. I hate getting my feet out for anybody, infact I cut short a date once cause he said he had a foot fetish, but thought since I’m here I may as well get into the whole thing so I passed him my foot and he starts to massage it. That was the time that I realised anything pretty much goes at fetish night. I think this guy could walk up to any girl and ask the same thing, and she would oblige.He asks me to go into the sex room with him, I tell him maybe later, but J and I head there ourselves....
I was expecting swimming pools, Roman statues, beautiful naked women dripping in expensive jewellery, glowing golden with their glossy hair. Men who looked like Roman statues come to life passionately grasping the women while they slowly but firmly make love to them. Then I realised I was in Vauxhall, London. There were ASDA Smartprice tissues on the table glowing in the UV light, reminding me of my daily intake of smartprice noodles at uni. The white and green haunts me. Most people were pretty clothed which kind of upset me. I was looking round for some good views of peens going into various holes and ended up disappointed. A lot of leather rubbing noises and groans, some awkward jerky movements going on and a few boobs flying around.I wasn't that turned on but I think J was. Just a little suspicion that I had, seeing as she had climbed on top of me.
Speaking to a few other people, we found another newbie. His friend offered me a spring roll while he told us that he wasn’t into this stuff, but that he came with his friend. He points out that he only bought this outfit today for the occasion. I thought maybe this was another J-like mask lie but then I looked at his t-shirt and it was obviously a brand new Guns and Roses t-shirt. Another guy was this old guy dressed in leather. His name was Victor and he was kinda hot and by this point I was getting into it all, so I gave him my number and told him I would go to the next event with him... probably not going to happen but at the time I was all "I cannot believe it’s my first time, I need to go to the next one with you and you can show me the ropes" Ah. We know what "show me the ropes means".
We then decided to go back into the sex room. By this point both J and I were really drunk, the Dutch courage taking hold. Everyone just seemed completely fine and normal. They were completely used to getting naked and having sex in front of lots of people, they didn't need any alcohol...
I had been to a swingers party once before but that was by accident. Someone at a club in Bournemouth handed me an address on a piece of paper and told me it was the scene of an afterparty. Being at a University club night, I just thought it was a normal afterparty, like any other night, so I went round with about 10 other fucked kids, expecting a house party. I kind of figured it out when I spotted a hot tub through the window, but when a naked couple answered the door, it was all pretty obvious then.
I think I was way too drunk, or maybe even had stage fright, but nothing was going to happen for me. Dan the vampire foot massager came in and interrupted us by taking my shoes off and touching my feet again but white contacts will never do it for me. On my way outside I felt something be placed on my head... It was the corduroy hat from earlier! It got too much. Flashes of corduroy hats, ASDA smartprice tissues and vampire foot massages kept flashing in my head and I had to go.
Trying to find the exit, we stumbled back into the bondage room with the chairs and the chains and to my surprise, without saying anything, J grabs my arm and walks me into the obstacle of chairs infront of everyone watching. I was slightly freaking out as I was expecting her to strap me down. In my head I was going through the various situations that could happen. On the one hand I was trying to figure out how to get out of it and not make a scene in front of everyone but at the same time I wondering if I should just go for it. In the end, to my complete relief J ends up standing in front of the bench, takes her clothes off and sprawls herself over the leather. I had found a whip earlier that night which I had been carrying round, and remembering what I had seen earlier that night, on the very same bench... it was finally time for me to stop being such a pussy and say FUCK IT and get on my knees and into it... it would've be rude not too!
On the bus home I kind of wished I was more open to it from the start, because nobody was going to judge anyone at all in that place, and there is not many clubs at all that you can say that about. The whole place had a really amazing feel to it. Yes, you can walk through the dance floor and see a girl getting tied up with rope on a spider's web by two guys, but it made me feel all warm inside. I had never seen so many happy people in one club!
So as I stared into space that morning, bunny ears on my head, I thought how this whole open relationship stuff and how it can actually work and be so much fun. I’d think I wouldn’t go as far as the wool hair and red eyeliner again but I think 2 boyfriends and 1 girlfriend would be pretty ideal. That's not asking for much is it?!