Photo c/o JME International
1 - At her last Brit Awards performance Taylor Swift, outside of her fanbase, was still a bit of an unknown quantity. If anything, that 2013 performance of ‘Trouble’ put her on most of our radars. This time, decked in secretary black and shoulder pads, she had the aura of exactly what she is: an immovable elder stateswoman of modern pop. Plus, uhm, legs.
2 - Sam Smith needs to cash some royalty cheques and stop buying his shirts at Beyond Retro.
3 - Rita Ora is the sort of girl that would turn up late to your wedding and spend the dinner flirting with the groom, before noshing off your minted uncle in the bogs while everyone else is dancing to ‘I’m Still Standing’. She wouldn’t get the irony.
4 - Lewis Hamilton proved what we already knew - that it is impossible to wear leather trousers without looking like a cunt. Or being one.
5 -Ed Sheeran has the unassuming confidence of a bloke that knows he’s actually pretty talented. And if he didn’t, he’s not allowed to forget it. Yes, we get that he’s good at the loop things on his little guitar BUT ENOUGH WITH THE SHEER-JERK PLEASE.
6 - Other than Ed, Paloma was probably the most popular person in the building. And it’s fair enough. Yeah, we know she dresses funky-like, but her speech and tears were just the acceptable side of kookily earnest, and she’s a proper antidote to the X Factor conveyor belt. Dedicating the award to all the underdog and grafters was a good touch, and hers was the performance of the night other than the man Kanye.
7 - Until Madge did the business, Kanye’s performance was the most noteworthy thing to happen at The Brits in years. Everything about it was a drop of subversion in an ocean of beige - from the Hackney Riot going down on the stage, to flame throwers tickling the rafters, to the muted audio, to the absolute banger of a tune. It was Kanye at his iconoclastic, don’t-give-a-fuck-because-I’m actually-the-best-best.
8 - Pretty sure when that shuttle eventually gets to Mars, Kim Kardashian will be there to welcome them.
9 - Cara Delevigne won the award for Most Pissed Award Giver. She looks like she’d be good value down Sam Smith’s (the pub not the singer).
10 - George Ezra has endearingly bad hair. That ‘Budapest’ is a funny little tune with no chorus, unintelligible verses and sounds like it was sung by his grandad. I like him. Don’t ever change, George.
11 - The Brits must never stop being live.
Follow David on Twitter - @Gobshout