The Rudest Names In Football XI

This team is utter filth.
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It's neither big nor clever to laugh at people with slightly rude sounding names, but it is nevertheless quite funny.

We've put together a team of football players with names so rude, that they would truly prove to be a commentator's nightmare.

Goalkeeper - Quim

The beauty of the name of the former Portugal goalkeeper Quim, is that he shares his moniker with a swear word that flies under a lot of people's radar. As a result, you can never quite tell if the commentators are in on the gag or not.

Right Back - Francisco 'Chiqui' Arce

As if having 'Arce' as a surname isn't bad enough, the Paraguay legend prefaced it with the nickname 'Chiqui', to show true commitment to having a rude name.

Left Back - Rod Fanni

As a former transfer target of Newcastle, the Marseille full-back Rod Fanni probably isn't aware of how close he came to complete ridicule, had he moved to the area of the UK that gave the world Viz.

Centre Back - Rafael Scheidt

Celtic fans will tell you that a player has never been more appropriately named than Rafael Scheidt. A lot was expected of the Brazilian international when he was signed for £5m, but Scheidt left Celtic after playing just three games, leaving an appropriately lingering bad smell behind him.

Centre Back - Argelico Fucks


Partnering Scheidt in central defence is Argelico Fucks. Another Brazilian, Fucks was made famous when his name appeared in the above internet headline, after his move from Palmeiras to Benfica.

Central Midfield - Albert Nad

Albert Nad was capped 45 times for Serbia and Montenegro. It almost goes without saying that he possessed great ball control.

Midfield - Wayne Wanklin

Unlike the rest of the team, who all hail from non-English speaking countries, poor old Wayne Wanklin of Reading had to endure a lifetime of sniggering regarding his name, while all the while knowing just why everyone was laughing.

Winger - Cha Bum-Kun

Cha Bum-Kun was a South Korean footballing legend with 55 goals in 121 caps. Yet to us, he will be better remembered as a player who was just one letter 'm' away from rude name immortality.

Winger - Brian Pinas

Unlike Rod Fanni, the naïve youngster Brian Pinas made the mistake of joining Newcastle United and was greeted by the following editorial in The Sun: "Pity soccer star Brian Pinas. The first time a referee takes his name he'll get sent off for using foul language."

Striker - Ralf Minge 

Minge is a former East Germany international who spent his entire career with Dynamo Dresden. He now runs an amusingly named sports consultancy business.

Striker - Stefan Kuntz

Commentators tend to play license with the pronunciation of rude foreign names, but there was little flexibility when it came to Stefan Kuntz. Witness John Motson expressing a nation's feelings about Germany.

Honourable mentions/substitues: Einar Aas, Paul Dickov, Milan Fukal, Michael Gash, Johan de Kock, Andre Muff, Peter Shirtliff, Danny Shittu, Mario Turdo, Lopez Ufarte, Dean Windass