Photographs Only Girls Take

From friends having a wazz to the obligatory legs up limo shot, these images are exclusive to the female of the species...
Publish date:

1. A picture of your legs looking out at the sea on the beach.

Every single girl in the entire world who has ever been abroad, ever, has taken this photograph. It is either a) to make people who aren’t on a beach like they are jealous or b) because they are only happy with showing their legs while in a bikini, and nothing else. There is no point in having the legs in the picture. It is just a picture of the sea. EVERYBODY knows what the sea looks like. Apart from blind people.


2. Loads of girls in front of a shit limo about to go on a night out

Doesn’t matter if it’s a hen night, or graduation night, nothing says class like 8-10 paralytic girls crammed into the back of a hired limo cackling like witches and being driven round a town centre again and again screaming obscenities out of a slightly-wound down window before one girl is sick on the seat and another girl starts crying and another one shows her arse and the one who was crying goes home early because she thinks one of the other girls is a bitch. Every one of those nights starts with this photo.


3. One of their friends on the toilet

Men don’t understand what is funny about taking a picture of your friend on the toilet. Girls find it absolutely fucking HILARIOUS. A girls night out can only be considered as a success when one girl has had her picture taken on a nightclub toilet with her knickers round her knees going ‘oh god put that camera away!!’ but not really meaning it. Whenever I’ve tried to take one of these I get a completely different reaction however, the girl in question doesn’t laugh, in fact usually screams. Ridiculous double standards.


4. A photo of the food you are about to eat but you think you shouldn’t

Only girls take photos of food that is bad for them in mock horror at the fact that they are about to eat it. This is usually done on a Sunday after a big drinking session when they are in their pyjamas watching Finding Nemo at 3pm having been sick in the morning and gone on facebook to update their status to something like “never drinking again, best night EVER tho – hair is FULL of jizz lololol 8/ !”. After they eat the food they may take another photo of the empty pizza box just to prove they actually ate it. Pointless.

Photos Only Girls Take #5

5. A husband/boyfriend asleep on a sofa with a pet/baby (also asleep)

To a girl, this is a cute photo, especially when it’s of ‘your man’ with a baby (yours). To the man, it’s actually scary as fuck, because he doesn’t know he’s having his picture taken, and could be having a sex dream, which when you have a dog or a baby on your unconcious self is quite disturbing. Although quite arousing now I come to think about it.


6. A close up picture of a cat

Dear girls, your cat fucking hates you. He doesn’t want his photo taken. He only cares about when you’re going to feed him, and when the sun will shine through a window at the right angle onto the carpet so he can fall asleep on the warm patch. He certainly doesn’t care how cute his furry face looks on twitter, he actually quite rightly thinks Twitter is for narcissistic cunts, and is now thinking about licking himself with his leg in the air in front of the telly.


7. The view out of a plane window

Since commercial air travel began in, oh I don’t know, let’s say 1990, I can’t be bothered to google it, aeroplanes have gone up into the sky to about 35,000 feet in order to fly. Every single journey (hundreds of millions of them) have been the same, they just take longer or shorter times. When you look out of the window at that height, you will see three things: a bit of an engine, a bit of a wing, and some clouds or mountains. Anyone who has been on a plane knows what it looks like. You don’t need to take a FUCKING photo of it.


8. A self-taken photo with a friend holding the camera towards you

Right, I know in this particular photo it’s a man taking it, but I’ve decided that 1) He’s gay and 2) it’s some kind of advert so it doesn’t count. Only girls take these photos. That’s usually because they are immensely unflattering, and therefore present a perfect opportunity for a girl to grab her least attractive friend, hold a phone/camera out in front of them, and take a really close up pic to show how attractive she is compared to her friend who doesn’t want the photo taken AT ALL. Usually used to illustrate “what a great time we’re having” in 1) a foreign country or 2) a nightclub.