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Sifaeli Tesha

Sabotaging since 12 Dec 2010

Tanzania’s answer to an un-asked question, Sifaeli Tesha is a sport loving, slick-dancing everyman. The baby-faced wordsmith still can’t get served cigarettes despite being older than Apple computers and takes his anger out on keyboards writing about anything people ask him to. Following five and a half years describing grass for GolfPunk magazine and taking the piss out of footballers for FootballPunk magazine he wanted a change of scenery. The scene he currently surveys is the Jeremy Kyle Show and begging for freelance work. Now he’s living the dream, Sifa tries to spend as much time as possible not worrying about the future and coaxing his pals into pubs, two things he’s very good at. Other skills include supporting Spurs and smiling, but perhaps most impressively he can jump over the bonnet of a Ferrari F430, which are as expensive as they are wide..

My Articles

Football

What If Arsenal Had Signed Zlatan Ibrahimovic In 2001?

Here’s one from the archives as Sifaeili Tesha remebers the time Zlatan dominated Arsenal one Champions League night…

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Books

The World Is Your Playground: How Being A Lazy, Unorganised Hero Is A Sport

Exercise is boring so let’s just not do it, okay?

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TV

Before The Wire There Was The Shield

One of the greatest modern crime dramas to come out of the USA: The Shield. You might have missed it but there’s still chance to rediscover it. The central character is fantastic.

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Music

Full Metal Racket: Public Enemy Live

A few things may have changed since Public Enemy announced themselves to the world 25 years ago. But with Chuck D centre stage and Flavour Flav’s oversized clock telling us what time it is the energy and essence of PE still shines through…

Music

12 Of The Most Random Ol’ Dirty Bastard Lyrics To Ever Grace A Microphone

With news that Wu Tang Clan members have been dropping out of the Ol’ Dirt Bastard’s biopic one after the other, we take a look back at some of ODB’s greatest and most bizarre lyrics of all time…

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Football

Hoops, Beats And Life: All Hail The Nike World Basketball Festival

With Luol Deng an NBA all star and the Olympics around the corner basketball in Britain has never been bigger. So Nike brought the World Basketball Festival and a few friends to Brixton to find out for themselves.

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Football

The Olympics, The Bulls And Trashtalking: NBA Legend Scottie Pippen Interviewed

He’s famous for being a part of the two greatest basketball teams of all time; the US Dream Team and the Chicago Bulls. Here the bona-fide sporting superstar talks us through what it was like to be a part of these history-making squads

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Football

Manchester City: Is Hulk The Man To Replace Carlos Tevez?

The Porto striker has been linked with a move to Manchester to replace Carlos Tevez. Going by his performance on Thursday is signing Hulk credible?

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Football

Can Wigan Get Out Of Jail Against Arry’s Tottenham Hotspur?

They’ve lost five of their last six and are bottom of the league, surely Wigan are there for the taking, aren’t they?

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Football

Manchester City vs Tottenham Hotspur: Who’ll Miss Adebayor More?

With the cream of the Premier League’s attacking talent on display this afternoon all eyes will be on a Manchester City player sitting on the Tottenham Hotspur bench…

Football

Three Signings Tottenham Hotspur Need To Make To Win The League

Another win and the Spurs go marching on. Yet despite being three points off the top, 20 games into the season, you’d do well to find many people who consider the Tottenham genuine title contenders. These additions would change people’s minds.

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People

London’s Congo Rally: Where Party Meets Protest

We were sat in the office at 11.30 this morning and an almighty racket kicked off outside. Turns out it was a protest about the Congolese elections, so went and had a look…

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Football

The Battle In The Balkans: England v Montenegro

The oldest footballing nation faced the newest and somehow everybody won - not that you can tell from the reaction. But as any England manager would tell you, there’s no pleasing some people.

Football

Ipswich Town’s Jimmy Bullard Interviewed

Friends with Jamie Redknapp, loves Sexy Beast and used to know Michael jackson.. Bullard doles it out.

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Football

Manchester United’s Manager V The BBC And Other Football U Turns

The Manchester United manager and the BBC have buried the hatchet after a nine-year feud. But Sir Alex Ferguson isn’t the only person in football to change their mind…

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Football

Should Tottenham Hotspur Force Luka Modric To Stay?

Tottenham Hotspurs continue to play hardball insisting Luka Modric will not be going to Chelsea. But can it help a club to keep a player who’s ‘had his head turned’?

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Football

Spurs Will Miss Modric And Other Lessons From Manchester United v Tottenham Hostpur

The kids are alright, the Croatian will be missed and Spurs hate Old Trafford. What Manchester United’s steamrolling of Tottenham Hotspur taught us.

Football

Spurs: Sell Modric Now And Other Lessons From Thrashing Hearts

Whether they were ‘brave Hearts’ or ‘broken Hearts’ Tottenham Hotspur will have enjoyed a 5-0 win in their first competitive game of the season, but did we learn anything new?

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Football

Adebayor To Tottenham Hotspur: When Is It OK To Sleep With The Enemy?

Emmanuel Adebayor looks set to join ex Arsenal teammate at William Gallas at Tottenham Hotspur on a year’s loan. With Lassana Diarra closing in on a deal is it right to sign the old enemy?

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Football

Joey Barton, Nicklas Bendtner And The Inflated Ego XI

Joey Barton and Nicklas Bendtner could be on their way to Stoke City. Why doesn’t Tony Pulis go the whole hog and sign this lot too.

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Football

Fergie Should Snap Up Joey Barton For Manchester United

After his Twitter tirade he’s been released on a free by Newcastle United. Fergie should bring in the deranged Morrissey desciple who is twice the player Darren Fletcher will ever be.

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Football

Arsenal’s Judas Fabregas And 4 Other Ship Jumping Skippers

Although no fresh photos of Cesc in a Barcelona shirt have appeared yet, the saga is finally over for Arsenal, and he’s not the first club icon to jog on…

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Music

Introducing Masterchef Synesthesia Genius Swede Mason

Swede Mason’s Mash-Up Synesthesia has gone to number 37 in the charts…. meet the man behind the buttery biscuit base…

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Football

Tottenham Hotspur: Is Fernando Llorente Any Better Than Crouch?

Peter ‘RoboCrouch’ Crouch and Fernando ‘The Giant’ Llorente both play at White Hart Lane this weekend but who should be Tottenham Hotspurs’ striker next season?

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Football

Who Can Solve Arsenal’s Defence? Jagielka, Samba and Cahill Compared

Arsenal need a centre back, luckily there’re three Premiership ready models available this summer. But out of Gary Cahill, Phil Jagielka and Christopher Samba who should Arsene turn to?

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Football

Tottenham Hotspur: Alvaro Negredo Is The Striker To Ignite The Lane

With Sergio Aguero and David de Gea already on these shores Tottenham should make Alvaro Negredo the next La Liga star to join the Premier League this summer.

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Football

Saint And Greavsie And Other Ways To Spice Up The World Cup Draw

Exactly 45 years after England lifted the World Cup the draw was made for the 2014 incarnation in Brazil. It was long and boring but could it ever be memorable?

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Football

Why I Can’t Help Respect Arsenal… By A Tottenham Hotspur Fan

It clearly states in the football fans bible ‘thou shalt not covet thy neighbours manager’ but this Spurs fan can’t help but make eyes at Arsenal’s wily professor.

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Football

Jermain Defoe To Newcastle United? This Tottenham Hotspur Fan Would Drive Him There

Predatory midget Jermaine Defoe will bring goals to Newcatsle. This Tottenham Hotspur fan will not cry too many tears should the deal go ahead.

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Football

Forget Modric, Chelsea Should Snap Up Lucho Gonzalez

Marseille’s record signing Lucho Gonzalez is widely believed to be on his way to Chelsea. The Argentine playmaker is mustard but do The Pensioners need another 30 year old?

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Football

Arsenal: He’s Better than Bendtner, But Is Kevin Doyle The Missing Link?

It’s been a bad week for Gunners with a trio of senior players expected to leave the club. So is Arsenal’s interest in Kevin Doyle a reason to be cheerful?

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Football

Why Tottenham Hotspur Have To Put Ledley King Out To Pasture

Ledley King is contracted to stay at Tottenham Hotspur until 2012. Despite being a World Class defender, a one club man and a fan favourite this deal should be Ledley’s last…

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Football

Liverpool’s LeBron James: Antichrist, Businessman Or Chosen One?

So LeBron James has acquired a stake in Liverpool but who, exactly, is he? Here’s a handy guide for those of you who think Basketball is Netball with added bling…

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Football

Butch Wilkins And The Fat Chance Kids: Real Madrid 4-0 Spurs

When Redknapp described Crouch as ‘the most ineffective footballer you’ve ever seen’, he probably meant inoffensive but Harry’s subconscious had it right on a night Tottenham shot themselves in the foot.

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Football

Match Report: Spurs 0 - 0 AC Milan

It wasn’t as beautiful as Barcelona or as sexy as bunga bunga but Spurs will be cock-a-hoop that they scraped through against AC Milan…

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Football

The Good Year/Bad Year Football Awards, Part 1

Well what a year that was; a World Cup, Blackpool in the Premier League, Redknapp going mental and Sepp Blatter being a right old c***…

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Football

The Good Year/Bad Year Football Awards, Part 2

This was the year that Gazza had his chicken, Italy played well for 10minutes, Rohan Ricketts emerged as the most erudite footballer in the world and Paul Merson told us that ‘something has gone on’.

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Football

The Top 10 Bogey Teams

Arsenal will be feeling less than confident facing Barcelona again in the Champions League as recent history suggests the Spaniards have the hoodoo over them. Here’s 10 other rivalries that always seem to go the same way…

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