Shoe Lickers And 4 Other Things I Hate About Pornography

Porn: An unappreciation. No one wants to see old people having sex and if I wanted to hear the sounds of animals shagging I would go to the zoo.
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Porn: An unappreciation. No one wants to see old people having sex and if I wanted to hear the sounds of animals shagging I would go to the zoo.

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So, let’s not lie, this is the 21st century and women do watch porn too, well, sometimes. Even if we pretend we don’t or that it’s only out of curiosity you’ll be hard pressed to find a female who hasn’t clicked on to Redtube at least once, if only to find out what all of the fuss is about. But unlike men we find the whole instant gratification thing with it a little less, um instant, there are somethings that we just don’t get. Maybe it’s because we just pay that little bit more attention to the details rather than just enjoying it for the mindless sex of it all but next time you’re watching take a second out from whatever you’re doing (we know what you’re doing) and keep an eye out for the following top five weird and often not that wonderful porn practises:

Take your socks off!
No socks for sex is a rule as old as, well rules. It’s just a no go. So why is it that it porn so many men seem to wear them, sometimes even with shoes and not just any shoes, trainers. It’s like you’re having a shag darling not going for a quick blast on the tennis court. It always makes me wonder if hygiene is the issue, but,when you’re about to have sex with a woman who’s already done 6 of your friends a veruca is probably the least of your worries.

There’s something we just don’t want to see:
So you’re sitting there, watching an orgy or a gang bang, you know, as you do. It’s all going well as some strapping young gentlemen take it in turns to have their wicked way with the buxom screen star and then someone you don’t want to see walks in. Grandad? Is that you? Who is this old man who always seems to turn up half way through? Is he like the god of porn, there to oversee everything? He’s always got a pot belly and white hair, it’s like alright, we get it, old people like to have sex too, but we sure as hell don’t want to see them doing it.

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Retro Porn Posters

Pornography: Where Has All The Romance Gone?

GRRRRRRowwwwlling Gentlemen:
Sorry I was under the impression I was watching “Awesome Ashley’s Anal Adventures” here and not Animal Farm. What is with the noises that the men make in porn? It’s like they are really trying to assert their masculinity by grunting louder than a hippo on heat. “GRRRR I’m so manly”, “GRRRR I’m so hot”, “GRRRR I am like just the best ever, ever”. No you’re not, infact you’re so not that we might just have to watch you with the volume down.

Blow jobs that last forever
Ok so we get it, men like blow jobs but do you really like them THAT much? Twenty minutes I mean for god’s sake give the girl a rest won’t you her jaw will probably fall apart if you’re not careful. It’s not just one shot too, the blow job montage always gets me, blow job from the top, blow job from behind, blow job standing on your hands underneath a waterfall, blow job with another person having a blow job sat next to you... you get the picture.

Shoe Lickers:
First point, just to get it out of the way, the shoes women wear in porn are quick frankly completely horrific, not to mention entirely impractical. But fashion aside, why on earth does there always seem to be someone licking them? It’s a shoe, you walk around on it (or at least try to the heels are pretty high) dear lord you don’t put it in your mouth. Think where it might of been, in most cases – in the porn world it seems – up someone else’s vagina for a start.

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